Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Clinton Wins! Kentucky.

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The political horse race in Kentucky was won tonight by Hillary Clinton. She beat out President Obama by several lengths and went on to victory lane to claim her prize - an evening of face time with the people who voted for her. One sad side note: Even though he was not an official horse in this race, Bill Clinton ran alongside the track just the same. On turn #3, he stumbled on a cast-aside Budweiser can and shattered both ankles. As horrified fans looked on in shock, he was euthanized right in the puddle of urine where he lay screaming.



Clintonia; The Land The Global Economy Forgot


There is now a clear picture of an emerging voting block. These are working class people - let's call'em folks, and drop our "g"s when we're talkin' about'em. This is a coalition of folks who overwhelmin'ly supported the gal over the colored fella. They are not the Soccer Moms or Nascar Dads of previous elections. They're even separate from the legendary Bubba Voting Bloc. Amazin'ly, none of the pundits has tagged a name on this group yet. They tried, but "Ignorant Racists" didn't do anything to differentiate these folks from the "Marriage = One Man + One Woman" crowd who ignored the fact that the federal government has zero influence over state marriage laws and re-elected Bush to save us all from the dreaded monogamous homos.

Since somebody needs to label these individual angry voters and glob them all into one monolithic mass, the staff and management of TNP have stepped up to accept the challenge. Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you now ...



The Hillarybilly Voting Bloc.

Even though this may well be the voting bloc that decides the next election, we should not expect to see the candidates overtly pandering to them. This election is too important. The candidates will not stoop to wearing cowboy clothes and drinkin' in bars and makin' speeches from the back of l' pickup trucks just to eek out a win. Anyway, the Hillarybilly bloc would immediately reject such disingenuous overtures.





Ms. Clinton visits with friends on the veranda of her West Virginia home. She's just like you.



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4 comments:

FlapScrap said...

You funny.

I noticed Hillary's speech last night contained the phrase "at the top of our ticket":

"And so our party will have a tough choice to make. Who’s ready to lead our party at the top of our ticket?"

I haven't heard that from her before. The mention of the top implies also the VP spot. I believed Obama would be crazy to offer it, but now I've changed my mind:

1. whether she accepts or not it would calm the Hillarybillies

2. he often mentions the book "Team of Rivals," the story of how Lincoln appointed his political enemies --who freakin' hated him-- to Cabinet posts so they would argue with him.

Keith said...

She'd do better for herself (first) and the rest of us (distant second) as Secretary of State.

Anonymous said...

hillaryous

FlapScrap said...

No, I don't think Hillary for Secretary of State. Here's my list:

Vice President: Jim Webb or Kathleen Sebelius

Agriculture : Tom Daschle

Commerce : Joseph Nacchio (see Wikipedia first paragraph)

Defense : Chuck Hagel

Education : Lincoln Chafee

Energy : Al Gore (with great power - no pun int)

Health & Human Services: Hillary Clinton

Homeland Security: Gary Hart or Wesley Clark

Housing & Urban Development: Bill Bradley

Justice : Patrick Fitzgerald

Labor : John Edwards

State : Bill Richardson

Interior : Kathleen Sebelius

Treasury : Mike Bloomberg

Transportation : Joe Lieberman (to get him out of the Senate)

Veterans Affairs: Max Cleland or Colin Powell

Also, promise
Senate Majority Leader: Russ Feingold