Saturday, November 29, 2008

waaa waaa waaaaaa


I'm following Shaquill O'Neil on Twitter, because it's worth it.

* How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive about 9 hours ago from txt


* Why is today called black friday about 19 hours ago from txt

* Destroyed by the heat jeeeez about 20 hours ago from txt

* The camera is watchn me twitter wow 3:14 PM Nov 28th from txt

* Im still full from thanksgivn jeeeeez 10:34 AM Nov 28th from txt

* @ragedragon, wht up bro 8:13 PM Nov 26th from txt in reply to Ragedragon
Happy thanksgivn to all the twitterrific people twitterrin in twitterland 1:56 PM Nov 26th from txt

* Why do they call minneapolis, the twin cities, nobody here looks a like, waaa waaa waaaaaa 1:54 PM Nov 26th from txt


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Really Bad Things


Some great progressive computer-machine writers put on their aprons and played-out the Angry Man-Hating FemiNazi roles with which they have been tagged as they prepare a cringe inducing Thanksgiving Dinner that can't be beat. Angry War Blogger Guy, Spencer Ackerman, was dragged into this as a sacrificial lamb (sorry). Here are Kay Steiger, LaToya Peterson of Racialicious, and Ann Friedman of The American Prospect.


Oh man. You clicked it. Dude. Tell me again why women can't be in combat units?


Buy A Lottery Ticket Today


If this is true, it's the bestest, luckiest day EVER.


Monday, November 24, 2008



Did you see what happened there? Bobby Dylan just pissed off some Irish guy by slighting Dominic Behan, then Donovan just started playing and peace and love and those hippy flowers all just started floating down all over the room. Then Bobby Dylan said, "Hey that's a good song, man!", using his best Garth voice.

"...ummm, does this
seem weird to you?"

Donovan saved the day. He really was Sunshine Superman, man! You are, without a doubt, wondering why Bobby Dylan so adamantly didn't want to hear anything about Dominic Behan in this clip. Behan was an Irish writer who used in one of his songs a traditional melody entitled "The Merry Month of May". He joined his own lyric to it, criticizing the Irish Republican Army. Dominic accused Bob Dylan of stealing the idea to steal the traditional Irish melody and adhere his own war protesting lyrics in "With God On Our Side". Boys will be boys.

The Patriot Game
- Dominic Behan

Come all ye young rebels, and list while I sing,
For the love of one's country is a terrible thing.
It banishes fear with the speed of a flame,
And it makes us all part of the patriot game.

My name is O'Hanlon, and I've just turned sixteen.
My home is in Monaghan, where I was weaned.
I learned all my life cruel England to blame,
So now I am part of the patriot game.

- and it just goes on like this -

Beggin' your pardon, but I tend to believe that Come Out Ye Black & Tans was a much better song anyway.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Chief Closes a Big One


The newlyweds.
-Photo from Nats320

Chad Cordero doesn't know what hat he'll be wearing next year, but he knows what jewelery he'll have on. Our friends at Nats320 have really great, exclusive wedding photos, featuring former and current Nats and other ball players, along with the nuptials. Congratulations to Chad and Jamie. All the best.


How To Save Television


While the net is full of people declaring that TV is on its deathbed, it seems that a huge unfair advantage held by the talking furniture goes unnoticed: Everybody has a TV, and most people have more than one. True, there are some who do not own a television, but how do we know of them?

Have you met Michael No'Telly? He's wonnnnderful, darling. He doesn't even have a TV!

While network execs fret over dropping audiences and remaining audiences threatening to bail out on their old pal, one trailblazer has figured out how to save the beast in the living room. She put something on her show that is too enthralling for anyone to ignore, and she did it without selling her soul. Martha Stewart throws all that corporate caution to the wind and lights the way for the rest of them. Let's hope the also-rans follow her lead. Also, there is no doubt in my mind that Snoop is on The Martha Stewart Show for one reason; he fully intends to hit that.

"...'cause I do know how t'whip it up a lilbet, Marfa, don' trip."


Tuesday, November 18, 2008



When someone asks you - and they will - when the first snowstorm of 2008 happened in Virginia, tell them you remember it well. It was November 17th and into the 18th. We were a heartier lot back on 17, you'll say. Sure, school was delayed by an hour, but by-gum they went. Despite fierce north winds and temperatures so low that the snow darn-near didn't melt, we soldiered forth. Not like these days, no sir. The people of November 19th are soft. Why, they wouldn't know how to turn up a thermostadt. They don't even know to include a "D" in the word! I tell you I look at the youngsters today and I worry about the future of everything and miss the days of earlier this week when men were pretty much men and the cost of a cup of coffee got you a fine hello from a chipper barista with a smock and hat and the whole nine yards, not meters mind, yards, because that's the way we did things back then and I want to tell you because believe you me we knew what it was back in November 17 to be prepared for hard weather and we always kept a cell phone in our suv so we could call a tow truck or just order a pizza if need be by golly

Monday, November 17, 2008

Branding Is Alive and Well


Arianna, of Huffington Post® was just talking with Bill Mahr, of HBO's Real Time®, on MSNBC's Rachael Maddow Show®, and she says The Guardian®, of the UK, is reporting that Hillary Clinton® will, in fact, accept the position of US Secretary of State. Just remember, you heard it here on The Nationals Post®, first.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Cars Still Won't Fly


The Netfix fairies bestowed upon our household the DVDs of season
three of The Smothers Brothers television show. These shows aired in
1969,a tumultuous and amazing period. The show was cut-off, mid-
season, by CBS because they found it to be too controversial.

We watched a couple of the episodes that pushed the network over the
edge and caused them to can an Emmy Award winning and highly popular
show. One episode featured Joan Baez explaining that her husband would
soon be going to jail for refusing the go to the draft board. Another
had a comedian doing a sermonette that had him cupping his hands in a
suggestive way while saying, "got them by the ol' test ... iment.

We kept explaining to our 11 year old how cutting edge this stuff was
and how explosive the times were.

"See that? Tommy Smothers is singing a love song to a black woman.
Back then, that simply wasnt done!"

"Huh," she replied. She gave it a good thirty minutes then politely
excused herself.

The whole thing left me feeling a little unsettled. I imagined life
forty years from now, with a 51 year old Ro trying to explain the
enormity of her own times. "See ... Obama was BLACK. Well ... half
black anyway, and it rocked the nation, nay, the whole WORLD when he
got elected, see?"

What the hell will be going on then that will make today seem
completely tame?


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What Will The Neighbors Say


I came home from work early and was shocked by what I saw. This crazy little bitch was prancing around my house wearing nothing but a pajama top and a guilty look on her face.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Promote Global Worming


Here's your chance to be caught palling around with a group of domestic terrestrialists from the Charlottesville area. They have formed cells of underground activists, bent on achieving nothing short of the breakdown of earth itself.

Meet them here. I gotta to go to the Lowes and buy some bins and screen and stuff. I'll also be getting a Quincy 17-Gallon (Belt Drive) Single Tank Air Compressor w/ 5.5 HP Honda power plant and full assortment of pneumatic tools. I need these things. For the worm bin.


Monday, November 10, 2008

And Now For Something Completely Better


Much has been said about how we're all going to miss the Obama campaign now that it's over. How they were great days, filled with a revitalizing spirit and great enthusiasm. All that's true, I guess, but I'm not in any kind of crisis to fill any kind of void. It's not like when Phish broke up or anything.

Which part, in particular, is leaving us wistful - the doors slammed in our faces, the blisters on our feet, or is it the clipboards and lousy Google map printouts? Maybe we'll miss our ever-burgeoning collection of idioms used to express to us a person's unwillingness to vote for a black fella.

I'm a lifetime Democrat, but I'm still undecided.
I don't trust him.
He doesn't share my values.
I'd vote for him, but I'm afraid ...
There's just something about him that worries me.
He doesn't seem safe.
He's just not very "white", if you know what I mean.

The fact is, knocking on people's front doors and asking them their thoughts about politicians and their views on issues is an awkward, tedious, and occasionally dangerous mission. There's not a whole lot there to get all misty over. All the folks I walked and worked with undertook this effort with the same sort of mindset you might have if you want to go fishing. Sure, you'll keep a positive outlook while you're digging night crawlers. Yes, you'll roll your butt out of the stinksack at 3:00 am. But when you're finally in the boat and casting, nobody's sighing about the good times we had while we were packing the cooler.


Sunday, November 09, 2008



A good friend of mine just put a down payment on one of these:

Soon as he unwraps it, we're going to go on a bug smasher's holiday.


Saturday, November 08, 2008

Some Day


The tickets to the Birchmere for a November 5th show were purchased in back in September, mainly because I knew it would make her happy. On some level though, it seemed like it might be a good exercise in self-preservation to find someone who might help allay lingering misgivings about the coming administration.

We sat at the edge of stage left and watched a 67 year old woman calmly and completely command a full house. Joan Baez simply walked to the mic and started singing We Shall Overcome, a capella. Her voice is not as strong as it once was, but it's every bit as powerful. After a couple of songs, she said, "I'm a little scratchy, 'cause I was screaming so much last night."

She told a story of how she and her 3-man band were watching the election results on a TV in a local hotel that was decorated all Jungle Room. After the race had been called, they ran into the streets, screaming and yelling, only to find Alexandria to be a not-so-happening town. So they hailed a cab and headed up to The White House, where they partied all night in an impromtu street festival. Joan was still wearing her hotel robe.

-Washington Post photo by
Kathleen Parker, the conservative
columnist who called for Sarah
Palin to step-down
as the
vice-presidential nominee.

The title track to the new album is a Tom Waits song called Day After Tomorrow. It's about a guy who will soon be heading home. The album is produced by Steve Earle. Clearly, this chick isn't fucking around. At the Birchmere, she sang new stuff, favorite stuff, and the very first song she ever wrote, Sweet Sir Galahad. She said she hadn't felt like this since 1963. Coming from the woman who stood right beside Dr. Martin Luther King and sang We Shall Overcome on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial 45 years ago, that's quite a shining endorsement.


Friday, November 07, 2008

Lame Duck Poop: An Homage


Back in mid-September, man's man and Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) introduced an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act that stated that any new security agreement negotiated between the United States and the Government of Iraq would not remain in effect unless approved by Congress. As explained here previously, it was an effort to prevent the current President from going rogue and shutting Congress out of arrangements for the US to stay in Iraq.

It seemed like an obvious win; Congress voting to keep Congress pertinent. The amendment failed. In committees, amendments must gain a unanimous voice vote in order for it to gain approval. A staffer for Webb tells us that a lone voice voted nay, and killed the measure. Who would vote against giving their own governing body oversight? Staffer did not know, and our research, lazy and slow as it is, was unable to find out.

So wipe those tears of joy from your eyes. Sure, the crazy lady we had an eight year affair with, who boiled our kid's pet rabbit and destroyed our social status in the neighborhood is lying dead in the bathtub. The end credits are rolling and the music is fading up while we're all feeling for our car keys and half-standing in our seats in order to get to the urinals first. Just remember, she isn't really dead and that knife is still in her hands.

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever
figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."
--George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Talk Amongst Yourselves



Winchester Is My Town


If you zoom in on Virginia's northwestern area, you see a sea of red, as has been the case for many years. But if you turbo-zoom in to the city of Winchester, you'll see a patch of blue:

Obama - 4400
McCain - 4107

In 2004, the numbers in Winchester looked like this:

Bush/Cheney Republican 5,283 56.55%
Kerry/Edwards Democratic 3,967 42.46%

We tried to flip Frederick County while we were at it, but while we made an 8% swing in the county numbers, the flip didn't happen. It don't matter now. It will forever be my honor to have worked alongside about a hundred people who worked so hard to turn Winchester blue. Jason, Reggie, Alexandra, Bethany, Janet, Evan, Scott, Mary Bruce, Phoebe, Bill, Other Bill, and all the people who's names I don't know, but who's faces I'll always remember. Thank you, one and all. I look forwarding to working the re-election campaign with you in 2012. For now, I'm going to get some sleep.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008




Is This The Line For The Beer, Or Is This The Line For The Tickets For The Beer?


This is not Virginia's first experience being a battleground state. This is not Winchester and Frederick County's first experience being fought over by opposing sides of the same country. For days now, local news has been predicting record turnout and long lines. Over and over and over, the words had been coming out of my own mouth, "It's going to be busy. Get there early if you can."

I pulled on a hoodie and slinked outside. My target time for poll arrival had been 5:00. It was already 5:30. Damn. The school is only half a mile down the road, but I took the truck. It was still dark outside and a heavy, wet fog was blanketing everything. It was a relief to find a whole lot of empty at the elementary school. One woman was frantically sticking about 100 McCAIN-PALIN signs in the ground. At the entry door, a woman and two men were standing, smiling politely. I cued up behind them. By 5:40, the line had grown to about 40 people, a few of whom brought lawn chairs.

At six o'clock, the door opened and a woman announced loudly, "The polls are now open!" It was Alpha - the woman who eventually hugged me at the start of the Primary Election Day. About 65 people were in line, but things moved rather quickly. Five tables had been set up to process voters. My name was looked-up, a card was handed to me, and I was before the touch screen. There were only three screens of ballots to vote on; Who y'ant ta be Prezdent, Who y'ant ta be Senter, and Whozzit gwa be fer the Congress. When I touched my selection for President, I was ready to feel like history was being made, but it felt more like I was ordering an MTO drink at Sheetz. Make mine a mocha.

Voting always gives me a kick, but there was a little something extra today, and it came from an unexpected place. The excitement wasn't at the voting booth. It was in the line. All these people got up early to do this, despite (or maybe even because of) the fact that they'd clearly gotten word that it was going to be busy and somewhat inconvenient. This morning was not really about McCain and Obama. It was about the people - all those people - in all those lines.


Monday, November 03, 2008

Update On The Rogue Chicken Situation


Early this morning, the staff and management of TNP went out to la área del pollo with a foreboding disquietude. Expecting to stumble upon the feathered remains of refugee chickens, we were pleasantly startled to find all three of them lined-up and patiently waiting for us. We simply opened the coop door and watched them eagerly jump inside. After our reckless inaction of two nights ago, and all-out abandonment last night, these ladies were leaving nothing to chance this morning. Some folks think chickens are dumb, but they're not. They're trusting and sometimes maybe a little bit beguiled, but if you screw them over two times in a row, if you leave them out in the cold, they'll do whatever they have to do to come home to roost.


Sunday, November 02, 2008



Last night I had a terrible dream. The neighborhood was being terrorized by a giant version of the Comcast turtles, Bill and Karolyn Slowsky. They still moved slowly, and their sardonic wit was just as sharp as jazz shoes, but instead of being adorably normal-sized, they were taller than telephone polls. They hurled javelins and they were covered in swastikas, and gravy. Oh and they pooped Volkswagens. I used to just dream about girls.

The dream seemed to go on forever. I woke up tired. I should have realized when the guy turtle started banging on a house roof with a pair of drumsticks that the dream was an effort by my subconscious to tell me I forgot to close the chicken coop door for the night. Alas, we awoke this morning to a yardload of escaped chickens. It was hens on the lamb.

Congressional hopeful Judy Feder
will not stop following me.

Ro and I managed to lure most of them back into the coop by tossing grapes and bagels inside. Suckers! Three of the girls were not so gullible. Since they refused to take the bait, we closed up the coop and tried unsuccessfully to take the renegades by storming them, or what have you. No dice. They're fast. Eventually, we opted to leave them outside the wire, with the reasoning that they would rejoin the rest of the herd this evening when we let everybody out again. As night fell, all would come home to roost. That was the thinking. That was the plan. There was just one flaw; we weren't home to let the girls out for the evening. This, as you can well imagine, was my fault.


After spending the morning watching the political shows and getting pissed off all over again, I was overcome with Shindler's List Syndrome. "This watch," I exclaimed to no one in particular, "This watch could have been self-winding itself as my arm knocked on one more door! These boots ... they could have traveled one more neighborhood in search of like-minded people who remember too-well the feeling of colonic violation after the 2004 election!" I felt compelled to dedicate another afternoon canvassing my town. This left Ellen and Ro to go out and do all the stuff folks have to do to keep sustaining life. They were gone. I was gone. Nobody let the cooped-up chickens out for the evening. That's why the three renegades are, at this very moment, nesting somewhere outside - somewhere in cold, desolate, Fox Country. It's going to be a long, sleepless night for all of us.

"Looks like you've been canvassing today."
"That's right, sir."
"How's it look out there?"
"There's a lot of love right now, Governor,
especially for an area that went 68% Republican in '04."
"You guys are making the difference. Thanks for
all your hard work."
"You're welcome."

Second prize ...


Saturday, November 01, 2008

The New Normal


For the off-season, this has been a rah-thah busy Saturday. We've barely had time to digest the news that our once-beloved closer has been outrighted. Sent on his way, like a DVD from Netflix. Sure, we enjoyed him for a while, but now we're ready for whatever else is in the que. Way to panic, Lerners. Sure it was expected, but even though GM Jim Bowden publicly screwed-over one of the finest pitchers and classiest guys in baseball back in July, it still hits you hard when the whip comes down. All the best, Cordero.

Sorry we hosed you.

Meanwhile, here in Red State, our little town is abuzz with "community organizers" who are "working very hard" to convince our neighbors that voting for Barack "not-a-muslin-socialist-terrorist" Obama might actually be a good idea. Many many many people here are still holding onto various misconstrued notions about this guy. It's weird, because in our estimation he is clearly the single best presidential candidate to have come along in our lifetime. Go ahead ... you pick a better candidate from this bunch:

1968 - Nixon vs. Humphrey vs. Wallace (Independent)
1972 - Nixon vs. McGovern
1976 - Ford vs.Carter
1980 - Carter vs. Reagan
1984 - Reagan vs. Mondale
1988 - GHW Bush vs. Dukakis
1992 - GHW Bush vs. Clinton
1996 - Clinton vs. Dole vs Perot (Independent)
2000 - GW Bush vs. Gore vs. Nader (Asshole)
2004 - GW Bush vs Kerry

There are zero clues around here to give a hint as to where our neighbors are getting these crazy ideas hinting that the Democratic candidate might pose a threat to America.

Just today, we talked with a surprising cross-section of the country who came here to try to help convince Virginia voters to calm and settle and vote with their heads and wallets. The couple who drove up from Florida. The Afghanistan war veteran who flew here from San Diego. The grandmother from New York who loves this valley and attends every annual Apple Blossom Festival. And that's just the white folks.

Are we sick of this election? Hell yeah we are. November 5th can't come soon enough. No matter what happens, something huge has been awakened in America, and it's not likely to go back to sleep. The new people networks that have been created have forced a change in the way Things work. That's not going to go away. Face to face, on Twitter, web sites, and across tables loaded up with coffee, water bottles, and canvassing folders, people who otherwise would have stayed separate are now in touch, working together, and making things happen. In a large way, the campaign is the election. Victory is already ours.

Meanwhile, we are living our lives quite nicely thank-you-very-much. Halloween parties were attended last night and into the morning hours. Quin stayed over and rocked the morning with us. Then there was the bowling. And the Guitar Hero. And the Chinatown dinner.

If horse racing is the sport of kings,
then surely bowling is a very good sport as well.

- Matt Groening said that.

Sure, I mean yeah, of course we're obsessive. The baseball. The election. These are taking up a large % of brain processor power, but that don't mean we forgot about all the rest of it.

Just tryin' to find the bridge.

See? We're well adjusted. So there. Now check out this electoral college chronological graph. Rockin' cool, doncha?