Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The iPad is Retarded


Old people love the new Big Button iPhone.

The long-standing rule that one should never, never, never buy first generation gadgets stands strong today. The new Apple tablet computer is now public, and while it is indeed breaking new ground in personal computers, it is also the dumbest thing we've seen since the Cube was released.

Like the iPhone, the new iPad features a gorgeous glass touch screen. Unless they've made serious upgrades to the screen, it will be even more likely to shatter than it's pocket-sized predecessor. The only thing that will be louder than the hype surrounding iPad will be the howls of despair whenever one of these hothouse flowers is pulled from some unsuspecting douchebag's iPurse only to have a million iShards cascade onto his khakis.

In fact, iPad appears to continue many of the iPhone's unfortunate traditions. It's great for surfing the web! Unless the page you're trying to load has Flash encoded. Send and receive your email! Just don't try to save that attachment to a thumb drive, because there is no USB port. "That's ok. I'll just use whatever clever mechanism those geniuses built-in so that I can add or remove files." No, you won't, because there are no clever mechanisms. Maybe they weren't pretty enough to make the cut. If you're afraid to ask how to replace the battery, it only means reality is starting to overtake hype.

The very first iPads will be wifi-enabled, and the ones coming out a month later will also have 3G. Oh good! Surely this time Apple learned their lesson and made it so the customer could choose from a long list of wireless network providers, right? Umm, about that ... no. By the way, if you're one of the million or so people who will snap-up the non-3G version just so you can declare yourself and Early Adopter, you need to be told that nobody likes you. Not even your dog.

With all that said, the new product from Apple is pretty amazing. It will most likely cause yet another revolution in development. All we're suggesting is that you keep your money in your pocket for now. Remember the original iBook? It was a toilet seat, but it grew up to be a fine little laptop. These things take time.



Stephen Lynch Speaks For Me


Congressman Stephen Lynch pile drives Tim Geithner through the mat and into the floor.

1) Send more Stephen Lynch.

2) Fire Geithner.

3) Fire Bernanke.

4) Hire Krugmen.

5) Maybe get your gutless, >corrupt< asses re-elected.


Federal Reserve Act
Section 13. Powers of Federal Reserve Banks

Section 3. Discounts for Individuals, Partnerships, and Corporations - In unusual and exigent circumstances, the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, by the affirmative vote of not less than five members, may authorize any Federal reserve bank, during such periods as the said board may determine, at rates established in accordance with the provisions of section 14, subdivision (d), of this Act, to discount for any individual, partnership, or corporation, notes, drafts, and bills of exchange when such notes, drafts, and bills of exchange are indorsed or otherwise secured to the satisfaction of the Federal Reserve bank: Provided, That before discounting any such note, draft, or bill of exchange for an individual, partnership, or corporation the Federal reserve bank shall obtain evidence that such individual, partnership, or corporation is unable to secure adequate credit accommodations from other banking institutions. All such discounts for individuals, partnerships, or corporations shall be subject to such limitations, restrictions, and regulations as the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System may prescribe.
[12 USC 343. As added by act of July 21, 1932 (47 Stat. 715); and amended by acts of Aug. 23, 1935 (49 Stat. 714) and Dec. 19, 1991 (105 Stat. 2386.]

Tuesday, January 19, 2010



Elizabeth Warren's glasses are way hotter than Sarah Palin's.

(photos, courtesy of the googles)

It's A Dark Day For Chocolate


Cadbury agrees to Kraft takeover bid.

The people who brought you this:

Just got bought by the people who bring you this: