Cynicism2

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The Boys are in these September ballgames, my friend. They are fighting. Even when the Mets put 6 runs up in an early inning tonight, DC came roaring back to tie the game. They answered numerous rallies with rallies of their own. Then, David Wright stepped up and sealed the deal with a sweet homer on a flat fastball riding right in to his wheelhouse. The pitch was as plane and obvious as Kevin Costner at a drag queen beauty contest, and the ballgame was surrendered, 13-10, Mets.

September 10, 2008

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E
Washington	0	1	0	1	3	2	0	3	0		10	11	2
NY Mets	1	0	6	0	0	0	4	2	X		13	13	0

That's how it's been going so far in September. More often than not, DC is playing good solid baseball, then losing these games. Don't blame a lack of heart or bad management. Blame a guy named Steven Strasburg. He's a RHP for San Diego State, he played for Team USA in the Olympics, and some say he's the best pitcher in the country. So what? So this: The team that finishes last gets the first pick in the draft, and they will almost certainly pick Strasburg.

So far, the only team close to sucking as hard as DC is the Padres. A couple weeks ago, DC was feeling their cheerios and winning like crazy while San Diego kept right on losing. It made the race for last place a close call. Now, all of a sudden, these guys in late innings implode as if someone turned on the large hadron collider. If Ben and Jerry made a suck flavored ice cream, it would have a big curly W on the label and feature Failure Fudge and Odalis Peretzels inside.

Saying that DC is losing games on purpose in order to win a player is taking a cynical view indeed, but we're a cynical lot.

As established here moments after the announcement of Sarah Palin was made, we cynics at TNP are pretty sure she was added to the McCain ticket for reasons that go well beyond her Kill Everything Except Embryos and Drill Everywhere Except Into The Details policies. There were plenty of applicants who possessed those credentials. They picked Sarah because she also possesses a coochie.

Admittedly, we were not completely correct in our assessment of their thinking. The McCain people did not, after all, choose a woman for VP in order to woo women to the ticket. They chose her to put John McCain in the running as an indignant victim.

Having a woman on his ticket, the thinking goes, puts McCain in the feminist camp. He can now cry foul whenever someone mentions lipstick, or children, or Alaska State Troopers. "They're attacking one of our sisters," he'll say. "They're sexist!"

Conversely, McCain is hoping that his past actions against specific women and women in general may now be seen in a different light. Sure he once called his wife a cunt in front of a bunch of reporters, but now that his running mate is a female woman, it should be clear to us all that he meant it strictly as an affirmation of goodwill from one sorority gal to another. It's like when that Ludacris calls his fellow hoodlums that name we are neither allowed nor inclined to use. Or when McCain pushes a woman in a wheelchair out of his way. Or when he fools around on his first wife after she was disfigured in a car crash, then leaves her for a richer, younger woman. He can do that. He too is a victim, as you'll see if you look at his girl veep. Solidarity, my bitches!

The only problem is that these guys running McCain's Circus are clumsy with their self-righteous indignation, and pretty much everybody can see what they're doing.

Remember when Manny Acta charged out of the dugout with that fake rage in an attempt to get himself ejected? It's a lot like that. OK, it's a little like that. Nobody bought Manny's Act either, because it's simply not who he is. The umps just grinned and let him wear himself out, knowing full well he'd soon burn off the excess energy and need a nap.

Since the next couple of months will likely be chock full o' charges of racism and sexism, here's a primer on the correct way to handle the placing of a charge of racism. Both the Obama and the McCain pitbulls and pigs might want to pay attention. It can easily be juxtaposed for use with charges of sexism; unless you're a brainless little baby factory bitch-ass.

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