They Can't Even Lose Right

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So the Nats split the four-game series with the obviously-superior New York Mets. I couldn't be more, you know, kinda TO'd about this. On paper, the Mets look like they could have landed the Mother Ship in the outfield of Nationals Park and vaporized everyone with a number on their back. Instead, they were confused and frightened by John Lannan. Even Odalis Perez, whose sinker hangs up like a Frisbee, silenced the bats of no less than David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Carlos Freakin' Delgado. Sure, they managed to dominate one of our September rookies. Big deal! And Tim Redding got beat like a homeless hooker last night, but he was pitching against Johan Santana.



"Neener neener neener"


Nonetheless, DC netted-out even. They are now in a three-way tie with San Diego and Seattle for last place in the majors. As explained here previously, thems that suck most, pick first. Last place gets first choice in the 2009 draft.

Therefore and thusly, the weekend series against the Padres is key, people. We have to lose and lose big. This team has worked too little for too long to start now. WINNING IS NOT AN OPTION.

Since the team is so miserably hopeless, the front office is doing anything it can to put butts in the seats during this last homestand. The thrust of the biscuit from the promotions department is, "Sure they're pathetic, but if you buy a ticket ($20), gas up the car and come to the park ($275), park in one of our lots (up to $50!), and get a dog and a beer ($20), we'll give you a scarf/team picture/kid's backpack/T-shirt/floppy camo hat ABSOLUTELY FREE!"

In addition to trinketfest, the centerfield pavilion has been filled with odd sights.



The Eurasian Eagle Owl. BEAU'IFUL PLUMMAGE!

The Racing Presidents take a hostage

This fella couldn't cut it as a Guiding Eyes for the Blind dog, so now
he sniffs out accelerants at arson scenes. His biggest bust was at the
fabled Georgetown Strip Club Incident.

Speaking of odd sights, we arrived home yesterday to find a swimming pool hovering over the backyard. We promptly went to the neighbor's house wearing swim suits and dropping hints, such as, "We hardly know you, so can we swim in your pool?"
We're the B in "subtle".

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