NATIONALS SUSPEND REMAINDER OF SEASON TO ADDRESS TEAM SUCKS CRISIS

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The Washington Nationals announced today that some things are more important than breaking the 100 loss barrier, and so have suspended their campaign to do so. Team president Stan Kasten said he agrees with his folksy and hot General Manager, Jim Bowden, when he said that, "we must act quickly and decisively to get this team to the playoffs, and the only way to do that is to stop playing."

When asked if this meant the team would not play any of the four remaining games this season, Kasten said, "Yes. Probably not. This is too important. We will. What time is it? We're #1.Who turned off my police scanner? I need that to sleep."



Jonathan Newton -
The Washington Post



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"Save the economy? What's that job pay?"
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David Letterman: Y'say 'I gotta get back to Washington to save this country', well good for you, 'and while I'm gone campaigning in my stead will be my great running mate from the state of Alaska, Sarah Palin.' And she comes out and campaigns.
Paul Schaffer: Yeah.
Letterman: Well what happened there? What's the problem? Where is she? Why isn't she doin' that?
Paul Schaffer: She is a good looking babe, you gotta admit that.



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