BLOODBATH

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This morning, before the final game of what would soon become a season of 102 losses, the Washington Nationals informed 5 out of their 6 coaches that they were unemployed.

First Base Coach Jerry Morales

Third Base Coach Tim "stop! No, GO!" Tolman

(Lack of) Hitting Coach Lenny Harris

Bench Coach Pat Corrales

Bullpen Coach Rick Aponte

The only survivor was pitching coach Randy St Claire. If the 102 losses are not enough to convince you that these guys needed to go, look at the records of all the players that left.

Ryan Church
Brian Schneider
Luis Ayala
Felipe Lopez
even Paul LoDuca

All these guys have shown extreme improvement in their numbers since going somewhere else. We're sure there are more players than we listed, but we get the feeling you don't really want to wonk out on this. Just take our word for it for some reason, they're all living better lives.

Today marks the second purge that was survived by pitching coach Randy St Claire. He was the sole survivor after the 2006 season, when Frank Robinson was shown the door. Manny Acta came in and had a big say in choosing his coaches - all the coaches that were fired today.

Two big questions remain: Will anyone from management be canned, and is Manny Acta's job safe? Actually, there are a whole lot more questions, but we felt that framing it as just two questions made in more, you know, dramatic.






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Holy Schnitzel, Did McCain Just Join The Janet Jackson vs FCC Club?

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That son-of-a- biscuit John McCain uttered "horse#@∂≈" during the dang debate! Maybe he forgot he was on TV.


He should take some courses on acceptable replacement phrases that are safe for prime time. I, for one, was shocked. MY FAMILY WAS WATCHING THAT!



Who cold forget
Carol Channing's
"Rassssspberries!"

"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis"
replaced the writer's original line,
"Are you on crack Willis?"

McCain should have gone with
Col. Potter's, "Horse Hockey!'

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Our Other Favorite Sport

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Yeah we know. Title of the blog implies stuff about the Washington Nationals. We get it; We're totally letting you down. But look at it from our pointy view. Our favorite team, the only team in the only sport that we really care about, has looked like a shellac-coated, corn-filled, burrito turd all season long. And we only care about them because it takes our minds off the fact that we're all going to die in some way that we probably would not have chosen for ourselves, sooner than we had in mind.*

Their last home game was canceled. Not postponed, canceled, with one L, because it totally didn't matter. Oh, and the rain was banging down like a light spring rain. Like an English rain, as Canadian heavy metal rock legends Rush once said. Only it wasn't in England, it was in DC. And it was neither light, nor spring. At this moment, they're playing up in Philly. That same raincloud has literally hung over the Nats and continues to pelt them. It's the top of the 5th, and these miserable bastards are losing 7-1. This game is going on, unlike last night's game, because the Phillies have a real team with a real chance. The thought creeps in; we're all going to die in some way that we probably would not have chosen for ourselves, sooner than we had in mind.**

Unless this Crapfest does something amazing by the 7th inning stretch, we plan to cut over to the 1st presidential debate at 9:00. At least in that sport, my team has a chance. Meantime, here's an important message to all our Jewish reader:




Bob Carpenter, the Nat's play-by-play dork just said, "Well, y'know that movie 'Kill Bill'? How about Kill the Phils."

Wow.
Is it over yet?


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PS - If you ever play Sports Trivial Pursuit and they ask you who on the Washington Nationals was the first hitter to get his home run challenged and instant replay was used, tell them it was Kory Casto, hitting off Phillies relief pitcher Joe Blanton, on September 26, 2008.
Then point out that life is fleeting.***

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* Mom: That was just an observation. I'm not suicidal.

** Mom: I know I said it twice. This isn't a game of Bloody Mary. Relax

*** MOM: It's a JOKE. Put down the phone before Eloise has me at serial killer again.

God, I Miss Frank

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Zappa calls it, in 1986. If only Ron Paul could play guitar.




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Anyone Can Be President. Anyone ... anyone

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Nothing to see here. Please disperse. Go back to your homes, if you still have them. Let the experts save The Economy.



"If money isn't loosened, this sucker could go down"
- President GW Bush explaining the ins and outs and what have yous of the economic crisis yesterday

"I wanna thank the spirit of bipartisan cooperation
that's takin' place here in Washington."
-President GW Bush, thanking the spirit.




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NATIONALS SUSPEND REMAINDER OF SEASON TO ADDRESS TEAM SUCKS CRISIS

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The Washington Nationals announced today that some things are more important than breaking the 100 loss barrier, and so have suspended their campaign to do so. Team president Stan Kasten said he agrees with his folksy and hot General Manager, Jim Bowden, when he said that, "we must act quickly and decisively to get this team to the playoffs, and the only way to do that is to stop playing."

When asked if this meant the team would not play any of the four remaining games this season, Kasten said, "Yes. Probably not. This is too important. We will. What time is it? We're #1.Who turned off my police scanner? I need that to sleep."



Jonathan Newton -
The Washington Post



*****


"Save the economy? What's that job pay?"
*****

David Letterman: Y'say 'I gotta get back to Washington to save this country', well good for you, 'and while I'm gone campaigning in my stead will be my great running mate from the state of Alaska, Sarah Palin.' And she comes out and campaigns.
Paul Schaffer: Yeah.
Letterman: Well what happened there? What's the problem? Where is she? Why isn't she doin' that?
Paul Schaffer: She is a good looking babe, you gotta admit that.



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Our World Is Straight-Up Rocked, Yo

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NATS BEAT FISH!

Wild Card DENIED



September 23, 2008

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9		R	H	E
Florida	1	1	0	0	0	1	0	0	1		4	9	1
Washington	2	0	1	0	1	1	0	4	X		9	13	0

**********

GOP Rises Up Against Cheney
VP attempts a smile, Dow Plummets

The vice president traveled to Capitol Hill on Tuesday to silence a
chorus of GOP complaints about Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s
$700 billion plan. But House Republicans who walked into a
closed-door meeting with Cheney steaming over the plan walked out
just as angry, and they described what happened in between as both
“a bloodbath” and “an unmitigated disaster.”

**********

Ahhhummmm coupla questions ...

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"No way we could have
seen this coming ..."

Condoleezza Rice Krispy Cake

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Don't Forget!

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It's good to brush-up on The Fundamentals.

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Creekside Epiphanies

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As a fire burned in the copper pit, our youngest kid said, "I'll be right back," and off she went. She had that lightbulb over the head look she gets, but I didn't pay too much attention because I see that look so often and - so far - none of her masterstrokes has left me blinded from acid to the face or dumping bodies in the George Washington National Forest.

When she returned to el hoyo del fuego, she was toting a bag of ordinary American marshmallows. I thought, "oh yeah ... good idea." Then I glimpsed the supererogatory addendum: a chocolate pudding cup.







Obviously, the kid is a frickin' genius.



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Obamalamadingdong

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The staff and management of TNP spent a day at Winchester's Barack-Obama-Rama.



Today, the local staff of volunteers got a turbo booster of help from a slew ... is slew too high a number? ... no, it was a straight up slew ... of new volunteers. Since volunteers in Washington D.C. had little to do because Obama is polling at 88% there (OMG, that's a slew too), they hopped a coach bus and came to Winchester. The common wisdom is that this city is staunchly Republican. Rocking the common wisdom is always fun.



Locals.

Water and protein bars. The stuff of canvassing.

Organized chaos.

The propaganda table.

Virginia hasn't been in heat in over 40 years.

The local press warns the general populice .

The DC busload of what the local media called, "Democratic Operatives From Out-of-state".

Democratic Operatives From Outter Space.



Meanwhile, the McCain HQ stands silent as a tomb.

Mad props to D&K and Ro for keeping each other busy while we cavorted all day.

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They Can't Even Lose Right

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So the Nats split the four-game series with the obviously-superior New York Mets. I couldn't be more, you know, kinda TO'd about this. On paper, the Mets look like they could have landed the Mother Ship in the outfield of Nationals Park and vaporized everyone with a number on their back. Instead, they were confused and frightened by John Lannan. Even Odalis Perez, whose sinker hangs up like a Frisbee, silenced the bats of no less than David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes and Carlos Freakin' Delgado. Sure, they managed to dominate one of our September rookies. Big deal! And Tim Redding got beat like a homeless hooker last night, but he was pitching against Johan Santana.



"Neener neener neener"


Nonetheless, DC netted-out even. They are now in a three-way tie with San Diego and Seattle for last place in the majors. As explained here previously, thems that suck most, pick first. Last place gets first choice in the 2009 draft.

Therefore and thusly, the weekend series against the Padres is key, people. We have to lose and lose big. This team has worked too little for too long to start now. WINNING IS NOT AN OPTION.

Since the team is so miserably hopeless, the front office is doing anything it can to put butts in the seats during this last homestand. The thrust of the biscuit from the promotions department is, "Sure they're pathetic, but if you buy a ticket ($20), gas up the car and come to the park ($275), park in one of our lots (up to $50!), and get a dog and a beer ($20), we'll give you a scarf/team picture/kid's backpack/T-shirt/floppy camo hat ABSOLUTELY FREE!"

In addition to trinketfest, the centerfield pavilion has been filled with odd sights.



The Eurasian Eagle Owl. BEAU'IFUL PLUMMAGE!

The Racing Presidents take a hostage

This fella couldn't cut it as a Guiding Eyes for the Blind dog, so now
he sniffs out accelerants at arson scenes. His biggest bust was at the
fabled Georgetown Strip Club Incident.

Speaking of odd sights, we arrived home yesterday to find a swimming pool hovering over the backyard. We promptly went to the neighbor's house wearing swim suits and dropping hints, such as, "We hardly know you, so can we swim in your pool?"
We're the B in "subtle".

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