RETARDULOUS

~~~



We here at The Nationals Post don't want to be a wet blanket. We know it's only May and far too early to say definitively, but none of us gets the feeling like this team is going to the World Series in 2007. We just think Third Base Coach Tim Tolman makes too many mistakes.







So many different ingredients go into Championship Soup, and this team seems to be a little short on oregano. And talent. So what's a fan to do when his team's destiny is pretty well pre-determined by the cruel cold fact that we've got an Applebees payroll in a Red Lobster league?


Here's a snake I saw.
It was just sitting there!

No, we're not going to answer that question. We were asking you the question, which means you have to answer it. So, what do y'got? Let's hear your brilliant idea. You came to this blog, now how 'bout let's don't just sit there reading, huh Sparky?

What? Let Tony Batista pinch hit? Oh, that's a brilliant idea if we understand it correctly. They already did that, Einstein. He hasn't exactly set the woods on fire. He's still dizzy from the sucker punches life's been handing him. The poor guy asked for a few dollars more back in oh-four and the Expos sent him packin' to Japan. Then the Twins picked him up just to knock him back down. Now he's Gabe-Freakin'-Kaplan. Hey Tony! Welcome back to The Exponals! Bet you won't ask for a raise again, will ya?

Surely this burning couch could
be some kind of metaphor

Alright, since your answer sucked it hard, we're gonna go ahead and let you off the hook and tell you our Master Plan. It's called

OPERATION RETARDULOUS!!

Official Picture of
Operation Retardulous®

See, the silver lining to belonging to the fan base of a suck team is that there is less-than zero pressure. It's 110% fun, Bippy! While those fools down in Atlanta and up at Shea Stadium are living and dying on every stinkin' at-bat*, we're gonna be at RFK laughing, screaming, and jumping around like a bunch of people who paid to get in to a stadium full of people.

Hey Sarge! The missiles are already in the air and headed this way. LET'S PARTY.

This weekend, while the Florida Marlins are in town, the staff and management of The Nationals Post will be in the stands at every game.


We'll be packin' some of these.


Come on baby (don't fear the reaper)
baby take my hand (TINK TINK TINK TINK)

And a couple of these.


ahhhhhahahahahahahahaha


And a lot of this.


You SUCK, Dontrelle!

That's right everbudduh! This is OUR Washington Nationals, and we are here to drop a giant, steaming pile of love on them. This is the time to let'em know we're willing to drive right off this cliff alongside them. So come out to the game, or at least wear someting stupid while you watch it on the TEEvee. Are you going to let the stinkin' Marlins walk into OUR HOUSE without letting them know we're home? The weekend's here and they're playin' baseball. SUIT UP! LET'S DO THIS THING.











*"Hey you didn't mention the Phillies".

OH PLEASE!




~~~Keith Provost~~~