Not So Fast, Ms. Stone
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There's gonna be a dumb fight .
Looks like aging crotch shooters aren't the only ones able to annoy large populations of people at the most inopportune time - and I'm talking about Sharon Stone's crotchaler region here, not Dick.
Ya see kids, Mr. Cheney ... ah the fudge with it. Just read this, or, ok then, just skim it:
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Dick Cheney's Incest Joke Irks West Virginian Lawmakers
Vice President Dick Cheney has apologized through his spokeswoman for making an offhand joke during a speech stereotyping West Virginia as a state prone to incest.
Someone asked the vice president about his wife Lynne Cheney's revelation last year that "Dick and Barack Obama are eighth cousins." ...
Cheney explained that during the course of researching his family lineage for Lynne's memoir last year, he learned there were Cheneys on both his father's and his mother's side of the family. There was a Richard Cheney on his mother's side, the vice president said.
"So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don't even live in West Virginia," Cheney quipped.
(If y'really wanna read all of it, why that's fine too)
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I mean come on! That's not even a funny West Virginia joke! And he could have so easily tied in that whole shooting-his-friend-in-the-face routine, but no! Nothing! On the up side, come next TV sweeps season, I smell new reality show.
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Hey Ma! What do West Virginians do on Halloween?I don't know, Pa, what?
A pumpkin!
Hey Pa! What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?Oh I know this one, Ma. Someone always loses a trailer!
Two West Virginia boys were walking toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, what'cha got in th' bag?""Jus' some chickens."
"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
"I'll give you both of them."
"OK, five?"
A West Virginia hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The West Virginian noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy, these Lincolns got everything."
A West Virginia boy was walking down the road dragging a piece of chicken wire when an old man on a nearby porch asked what he was doing."I'm gonna go catch me a chicken!"
"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire," the old man laughed.
An hour later, dang if the boy didn't walk by carrying a chicken.
Next day, the boy was walking by dragging a long piece of duct tape and the man asked what he was doing now.
"I'm gonna catch me a duck."
"You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" scoffed the old man.
But an hour later, the boy went walking back home with a duck under his arm.
One day later, the West Virginia boy went walking past the old man's house dragging a pussy willow branch.
"Hang on there, boy," the old man hollered, "Let me get my hat."
The West Virginian and his gal* were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car."Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.
"No," he replied, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
* Hey Dick, it's me. You can replace "gal" with "sister" if you want. If you need a new speech writer, shoot me an email - I mean send me an email.
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2 comments:
Two old West Virginia boys were fuckin' a big fat pig when the mailman came up and said, "Didja hear about the fahr at the Govner's Mansion? Burned it down to the axels." And the two boys done fucked the mailman, too! DINGDINGDINGADOODLEDOODLEDINGDING.
My favorite WV joke is when they fly a Confederate flag.
Look it up.
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