Don't Worry ... We Have A Plan

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Three months ago, the Prez called in select Senators and Congressmen and explained that life as we know it would cease to exist unless they handed him $700,000,000,000.00 to bail out the financial industry.

"How do you intend to spend the money?" they hated to ask, because they knew it annoyed him.

"There's no time to waste answering a bunch of silly questions. If you love your country, you'll hand over the cash and promise to stay out of the way."

"Of course we love our country," they stammered, "sorry to have troubled you. The thing is, we don't have any money. Please don't yell at us again. We know where we can get half of it now and we swear we'll hand over the other half soon. Would that be ok?"

"You Congress people are pathetic. I can't believe you didn't plan for something like this. Fine ... gimme the $350,000,000,000.00 anyway. Come on, while we're frickin' young."

"You're only going to use this cash for good, right? We're giving you all of our fiscal oversight powers, so we hope you use them wisely."

"I guess you're gonna have to trust me," the president said slapping them on the back, "and why wouldn't you? Heh. I've earned your trust, right? Heh. Come back when you've figured out where you're going to get the other half of the cash that doesn't exist. Off you go."

"We're on it, sir. Harry Reid has China on his Buddy list and the US mint says they'll print a trillion more dollar bills. That's one workplace that's still paying overtime anyway!" Congress filed out laughing nervously and smiling politely.

~~TWO MONTHS LATER~~

In unrelated news, the US auto industry is dying, because it makes a product nobody wants to buy anymore. Like a kid who flies his Gulf Stream jet to his parents' suburban ranch house to ask them to take a 4th mortgage out to pay for his mistakes just one more time, BIG 3 go to Washington. After vigorous questioning and debate, BIG 3's parents say no.

Senator Dad explains to BIG 3 that he is old enough to own his mistakes and misfortunes and even though they love him, they can't solve his problems. Only he can. BIG 3 screams I HATE YOU ! YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING I LIKE! President Mom looks at the floor and fretfully twists a dampened hanky.

Fiscal conservatives walk up to the Jerry Springer audience mic and shout-out to the parents, "you GO girl! Thank God this happened while a conservative is still in the White House! Otherwise, that socialist would have sold us out like beeeeeeeee-atches!"

Senator Dad sees BIG 3 to the door, at which point President Mom slips a Financial Industries Debit Card with a $17,400,000,000.00 limit into BIG 3's kashmir sweater pocket.


"Mommy loves you most," she whispers, "Now go solve all your problems, promise?"
Smoochy smoochy.




~~~