Santana Winds

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Mr. Poopypants

The Minnesota twins just traded two-time Cy Young winner Johan Santana to the National League East. To the mets. The mets?!? Why not the cubs? They have money to burn. Or how 'bout those mariners? Their farm team is way deeper than the mets. twins management could have brought home some prospects that gave their fans some reason to go on. Instead, they will watch Carlos Gomez run in circles in center field.


Dork


Why the mets? Why not just send him on a nice long holiday some place where there is no baseball? Like Montreal. Those of us who are fans of NL East teams whose names do not begin with "m" would like to send an extra G.F.Y. to Carl Pohlad. It's not overstating the issue to say that:

This changes everything.

First the facts:

* The twins did not want to lose Santana. Duh. He's a left handed, fireball throwing, automatically-add-8-wins-to-your-season animal. But a couple of months ago, Johan explained to Minnesota fans that $80 million dollars over four years wasn't going to pay the bills. "It's not you, it's me," he said. "Me me me."

† The yankees, red sox, and mariners all looked more likely to nab the prime-of-career southpaw, but the mets showed remarkable patience.

p Once the sox realized they really didn't really need to spend the money, the yankees sobered up and backed away too.

l Meanwhile, Seattle is said to have settled for the cute chick standing next to the hot stripper, Erik Bedard of the o's. That is, unless Peter Angelos queers the deal.

z That's when NY slitthered in and started buying drinks and flashing cash. They eased Santana away from the twins in exchange for Carlos Gomez, Phil Humber, Kevin Mulvey, some roofies, and Deolis Guerra.

The Nationals play seven series against the mets this season. It's reasonable to estimate that they'll look at Santana as the starter four or five times in the 18 games scheduled. Is that right? Because I'm just guessing. I'm spit-ballin'. So if that's correct, I'll go further to guess that Santana wins, like ... what ... 3 of those games ... at least. Spread the same Scientifically Derived Analysis across the braves, phillies, and marlins, then add this reality - Pedro Martinez is the met's #2 pitcher. That's seismic activity in the NL East, my nillas.

It'll be very interesting to see how well former Nat Brian Schneider catches in ny with egos and talent on the mound as big as US 193. He's proven in DC that he is a phenom at guiding young pitchers and calling great games. Young guys tend to listen to the catcher's advice more. Older guys are called "ace" because they act like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. But if you think back to some of the games that were blown by older pitchers shaking off Schneider's calls, you may recall that our catcher doesn't respond well to contradiction. Also, New York fans? mets fans? When things aren't going well? That ain't Washington or Minneapolis either, dude. We might witness Schneider's head explode. Let's just hope he's standing in the bullpen when it happens.







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