Here We Go Dodgers, Here We Go

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The Phillies are a good ball club. We love to watch Cole Hamels pitch. Jimmy Rollins? Chase Utley? Amazing infielders who glove, plant, throw, jump, and get it to the giant Ryan Howard at first as with Swiss watch precision. The staff and management of TNP like the team - LIKE. You know, as frienemies. We would hang out with those guys. The only problem is, we hate - HATE - their 43,500 friends. If baseball fanbases were commentators, Philly fans would be Ann Coultor.

How to make your own Phillies fan:

*Take one Yankees fan.
*Feed him a steady diet of lead paint chips and beer.

*Get a transvestite who looks like his mom to repeatedly hit him in the face.

*Force him to live in north Philadelphia.

PRESTO!

The Phillies are playing the LA Dodgers in game 1 of the NLCS tonight. We want them to lose and lose badly. We want a series featuring embarrassing errors and the ultimate humiliation of this very good team. If at all possible, we want the final game loss to happen in Phillidelphia so the national television audience gets those delicious shots of drunken, obnoxious Philly fans wearing defeat and deflated hatred on their fat nacho faces.

As noted at the end of last season, we also want Joe Torre to get to the World Series. If at all possible, we'd like his Dodgers to beat the Boston Red Sox. Since we're asking for stuff, we might as well throw in a wish for a victory lap around Yankee Stadium, with Rudy Giuliani duct taped to the hood of Joe's hoop-d.

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