18-24 Year Olds Do Not Answer Polsters

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If you want to track the opinions of America's Future, you can't call them on the phone. There's no wall phone hanging in their kitchen. They won't answer carefully worded questions with a princess phone cradled on their shoulder while they do their nails for the big sock hop. When they're ready to offer an opinion, they'll do it on their own terms, whenever they feel like it. That's because every last one of them has one of these.




This mobile transceiver allows the youngsters to talk to friends and family from virtually anywhere. They can also send electronic messages - often encoded with cryptic terminology - to one person or many.

Demographers have been confused and befuddled by this free-flying segment of our populace ever since the current group's grandmothers were getting knocked-up in blacklit rooms full of stoned naked misogynists, cleverly disguised as sensitive deep thinkers. Back in the day, kids simply ignored the phone ringing off the wall because they knew it was either their parents, The Man, or some uptight suit calling to tell them it's-3am-there's-too-much-noise-doncha-people-ever-want-to-go-to-bed.

The young folks of today are still nearly impossible to to reach in any amount that might provide a meaningful analysis. If you want to know what they think, you're going to have to sit quietly and wait til they feeling like talking, or sift through millions of comments on collegehumor.com, or maybe just take a peek at state voter registration numbers, which show that an alarming number of them are signing up and watching very closely.

Demographers boldly press on. It appears that their most recent findings indicate that if one wants to win their vote, one should throw a cougar on stage and have her make kissy faces while shredding away at the guy whose face is on all their t-shirts.



Pundits: "She far exceeded expectations."
Dude, anything short of Palin taking a dump
on stage would have exceeded expectations.
-recent post from some random dude on the Twitter




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