The Nationals Post ©

Let Me Just Get the Lights . . . NOOOOoooo000oooooooo

2010-12-26T21:10:00.000-05:00

Slow Down

2010-11-20T20:55:00.003-05:00

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Kevin On The Not-So-Crazy Train

2010-10-30T06:28:00.001-05:00

I Always Look Fat Next To Jim

2010-10-29T09:59:00.001-05:00

Ken Cuccinelli Wussies Out - Twice

2010-10-09T18:44:00.011-05:00

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Looking to sell puppy. Will consider trading for an ounce of compassion.

Virginia Attorney General and Tea Party darling, Ken Cuccinelli, normally gets nothing but adoring comments whenever he updates his status on his facebook page. Today was different. Today, he gave away his family dog. A few months ago, the AG mentioned that he was looking for a puppy, and asked if anyone could suggest a place to go. The comments flooded in.

"Atta boy, Ken!"

"You're a great family man! Not like that socialist in the White House!! LOL!!"

Etcetera and like that.

His most recent status update clearly made even his biggest fans uncomfortable. After explaining that puppies were hard to deal with, he offered to sell the one he got for his kids . . . cheap.

After an hour or so of fairly negative and disappointed comments, Virginia's Fierce Advocate for Those Who Love Freedom and Hate Health Insurance, seems to have decided that he made a political miscalculation. Turns out people really like dogs.

The post was removed.

Happily, we at TNP grabbed the text and are reposting it here, for posterity. No effort was made by us to contact the Cooch about his pooch, because we were very busy all day - playing with our beloved dog.

Aww! Wooky wittle SCHMOOPY!!

We figure if Ken wants to comment, he can do so here. We promise not to delete this post, even if our friends like us less for having posted it, or think we're callous and short-sighted, or just generally think we're pandering, douchebag gloryhounds.

We have the little thumbnail profile pix of each commenter, but decided not to post them, out of respect. Here's Ken's, though:

Ken Cuccinelli Okay, this puppy (1st time we've had a puppy) isn't working out for us. She's growing faster than our babies and of course she has a puppy's energy, and it doesn't mix well with our little boys. So, anyone want a short-haried, golden lab? She's housebroken and very friendly. Likes to swim and fetch. We bought her ...for $900 and are ready to part with her for less. Any takers?
See More
8 hours ago · Comment · LikeUnlike

◦ Alicia Clark the puppy just needs training. Take her to petsmart and get her (you) trained. Puppies, just like children, take discipline and consistency. Over time she will learn when and where certain behaviors are allowed. Don't give up on her yet :) 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Isabella Hale Serioiusly? give her some time,, all labs are like that.. you live in the country,, keep her outside. Big dogs belong outdoors,, do you have a fence and a dog house... she can be crated for a while.. come'on now you can do it I did it,, even crate her outside in your fenced yard.. sigh. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ LaTanya Carter If you are really going to part with her, I'd think it over. Labs can be trained well and my daughter really misses the dog we had that we had to let go because he was way too much of a roamer. Keep me in mind. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike

◦ Randy Showalter How much you want for her. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·

◦ Bradley Trimble Ours was the same way... As the kids and the pet aged they became best friends. The dog will attach to the kids and will follow them around the house in no time... 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Kathy Mateer Pets are so wonderful for children, please be patient and reconsider, not just for the dog, but for your children. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Carlo Cordasco Talk to Congessman Wittman...he's got a bunch of goldens...I'm sure he has a suggestion or two!!! 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Chris Royse ‎"She's growing faster than our babies and of course she has a puppy's energy, and it doesn't mix well with our little boys." Are you talking about a dog or the U.S. Government? 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  
◦ Isabella Hale Randy is funny8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Suzanne Elizabeth Ladka What is the age? Do you know if she is an alpha female? Bob wouldn't mind another but we would have to make sure Marley is okay. Love ya - suz 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Susan Haughton I wish people would give more thought to the puppies they purchase. Labs are energetic dogs - and lab puppies can be exuberant. This should not have been a surprise. I sincerely hope you can find the pup a good home with someone who can handle a lab's personality. Seriously, I love dogs way too much to encourage ANY ONE who is already giving up on a puppy to keep it. Find it a good home with someone who truly wants it. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Randy Showalter Why am I funny I have 3 little girls that would love to have another dog. Our golden retriever passed away this spring and they want another dog. We also have over 8 acres for her to run on.8 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·

◦ Keith Provost Surprising to see you give up so easily. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Mary Beth Rhyne Don't give up yet - keeping her will be well worth it for your children. Remember she has not read the book - so you need to teach her. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Jon Ondrak Sold - how much do you want? 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Carlo Cordasco LOL Chris...I guess untrained puppies are a lot like unconstrained federal spending...see what you've started Mr AG!!!
:-) 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike 

◦ Matt King Training training and training! The dog needs to goto classes and you need to get trained. Our overly aggressive chessie benefited greatly from a solid 8 weeks of training and has turned into a wonderful family dog. 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Isabella Hale Randy buy HER..:) 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Richard McKann I mentioned your situation to my listeners. Lab puppy, yeah there is a bit of energy there 8 hours ago · LikeUnlike  

◦ Monica Dolle Chiralo Having met said puppy, I will vouch for her beauty and sweet disposition. Wrong setting for her, though. She will be a wonderful companion for someone. 8 hours ago

◦ John Tilley Shame on you Ken. This is a story. A dog is not a toy. Becoming a pet owner is a serious decision and commitment. You fail. Miserably.

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What 2010 Looked Like

2010-09-23T20:39:00.004-05:00

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How many years will it take? Not many is my bet. A few years down the road, and nobody's going to believe that Virginia schools sent home forms to opt our kids out of watching a presidential address to the students of the good ol' USA. No, that level of divisiveness is too embarrassing. OK, they'll say, maybe there were some fringe folks who hated this president, but it wasn't the mainstream. It couldn't have been.

~~~

Avert Your Eyes

2010-05-17T13:18:00.002-05:00

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As crews work to stem the effects of the BP spill in the Gulf of Mexico,
a bird lays helplessly, covered in oil, on the beach.

~~~

Sometimes I Get My Head in a Dilly

2010-04-12T09:02:00.005-05:00

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Ro* and Dr. Mark Abel, 1 year later.

We brought her home one year ago. Driving every bit as carefully as the day she was born, Ellen and I made our way from UVA Medical Center with Ro* seatbelted in the backseat. Surrounded by pillows and wearing a hard plastic torso brace, she had eaten almost no solid food in two weeks.

A year has passed. One year of watching her recovery and silently panicking every time she rode her bike or scooter, or played with her friends, or even just slung her school backpack over her shoulder.

When we went back to Kluge, Ro's top priority question was, "Which rides can I go on at Hershey Park during the school trip next month?" Dr. Abel's answer was a quite satisfactory, "All of them."

We had so much help and love and support to get us through, and for that I am eternally and humbly grateful. Through this whole ordeal, there were a lot of very, truly, deeply hard times, but not once did things go dark. Not once was there ever really a shark in the water.

~~~

Steven Strasburg is Now Pitching for Money.

2010-04-11T13:16:00.002-05:00

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Lots and lots of money.

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Working Together in Harmony

2010-03-29T06:54:00.009-05:00

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When Great Men Fall Silent

2010-02-23T07:48:00.004-05:00

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"Vernon Hunter was a guy who fought for his country in Vietnam and went to work for it when he came home; he had a loving family who cared about him very much. And then he went to work one morning and he was murdered in cold blood by a narcissistic loser named Joe Stack."

- Will Bunch

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The iPad is Retarded

2010-01-27T20:21:00.008-05:00

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Old people love the new Big Button iPhone.

The long-standing rule that one should never, never, never buy first generation gadgets stands strong today. The new Apple tablet computer is now public, and while it is indeed breaking new ground in personal computers, it is also the dumbest thing we've seen since the Cube was released.

Like the iPhone, the new iPad features a gorgeous glass touch screen. Unless they've made serious upgrades to the screen, it will be even more likely to shatter than it's pocket-sized predecessor. The only thing that will be louder than the hype surrounding iPad will be the howls of despair whenever one of these hothouse flowers is pulled from some unsuspecting douchebag's iPurse only to have a million iShards cascade onto his khakis.

In fact, iPad appears to continue many of the iPhone's unfortunate traditions. It's great for surfing the web! Unless the page you're trying to load has Flash encoded. Send and receive your email! Just don't try to save that attachment to a thumb drive, because there is no USB port. "That's ok. I'll just use whatever clever mechanism those geniuses built-in so that I can add or remove files." No, you won't, because there are no clever mechanisms. Maybe they weren't pretty enough to make the cut. If you're afraid to ask how to replace the battery, it only means reality is starting to overtake hype.

The very first iPads will be wifi-enabled, and the ones coming out a month later will also have 3G. Oh good! Surely this time Apple learned their lesson and made it so the customer could choose from a long list of wireless network providers, right? Umm, about that ... no. By the way, if you're one of the million or so people who will snap-up the non-3G version just so you can declare yourself and Early Adopter, you need to be told that nobody likes you. Not even your dog.

With all that said, the new product from Apple is pretty amazing. It will most likely cause yet another revolution in development. All we're suggesting is that you keep your money in your pocket for now. Remember the original iBook? It was a toilet seat, but it grew up to be a fine little laptop. These things take time.

iPooped

~~~

Stephen Lynch Speaks For Me

2010-01-27T14:09:00.005-05:00

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Congressman Stephen Lynch pile drives Tim Geithner through the mat and into the floor.

1) Send more Stephen Lynch.

2) Fire Geithner.

3) Fire Bernanke.

4) Hire Krugmen.

5) Maybe get your gutless, >corrupt< asses re-elected.

~~~

Federal Reserve Act
Section 13. Powers of Federal Reserve Banks 

Section 3. Discounts for Individuals, Partnerships, and Corporations - In unusual and exigent circumstances, the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, by the affirmative vote of not less than five members, may authorize any Federal reserve bank, during such periods as the said board may determine, at rates established in accordance with the provisions of section 14, subdivision (d), of this Act, to discount for any individual, partnership, or corporation, notes, drafts, and bills of exchange when such notes, drafts, and bills of exchange are indorsed or otherwise secured to the satisfaction of the Federal Reserve bank: Provided, That before discounting any such note, draft, or bill of exchange for an individual, partnership, or corporation the Federal reserve bank shall obtain evidence that such individual, partnership, or corporation is unable to secure adequate credit accommodations from other banking institutions. All such discounts for individuals, partnerships, or corporations shall be subject to such limitations, restrictions, and regulations as the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System may prescribe.
[12 USC 343. As added by act of July 21, 1932 (47 Stat. 715); and amended by acts of Aug. 23, 1935 (49 Stat. 714) and Dec. 19, 1991 (105 Stat. 2386.]

http://www.federalreserve.gov/aboutthefed/fract.htm

Jeepers

2010-01-19T11:26:00.005-05:00

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Elizabeth Warren's glasses are way hotter than Sarah Palin's.

~~~
(photos, courtesy of the googles)

It's A Dark Day For Chocolate

2010-01-19T08:52:00.007-05:00

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Cadbury agrees to Kraft takeover bid.

The people who brought you this:

Just got bought by the people who bring you this:

~~~

Beginning of NYC Road Trip

2009-11-19T09:43:00.001-05:00

CH - CH -Check ... SSssss ... mic CHECK 1,2 ...

2009-08-27T19:23:00.002-05:00

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I've got more to say, and I'm fixin' to say it. Soon.

~~~

First Pitch

2009-07-15T07:55:00.014-05:00

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POTUS and the great Willie Mays at the 2009 All-Star Game in St. Louis, where the unemployment rate was 8.8% in May

(AP) ... Filled with pride on the night of a historic election that made Obama the nation's first black president, Willie Mays said he stayed up until 7 or 8 o'clock the next morning.

"I reminded him that I cried for most of the night in Chicago," said Mays, still emotional as he spoke about that night eight months ago.

"So that tells me all the things I went through, it was for good things," said Mays, who wore an orange-trimmed, black Giants baseball cap with his suit. "So I'm just proud of him, you know. He may be proud of something else. But I'm proud of him, what he stands for.

Mays said his one bit of advice to Obama for the night's pitch was:

"Follow through."

All photos Associated Press
~~~

All-Star Quote of the Evening

2009-07-14T20:31:00.002-05:00

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"There's a tremendous amount of parity in Major League Baseball these days. Everybody's team looks at this point like they could do something ... except the Nationals ... but they're in a building year."
-President Barack Obama

"They just fired their manager."
-Joe Buck

~~~

2009-06-30T09:45:00.001-05:00

3 Months After First Surgery

2009-06-30T09:44:00.002-05:00

I'm Totally Gonna Come Back For It ...

2009-06-22T07:55:00.006-05:00

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THIS WRITING VEHICLE HAS BEEN INSPECTED AND APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN ABANDONED. YOU MUST UPDATE IT OR IT WILL BE REMOVED BY THE BLOGGER COPS.

~~~

Caching Up

2009-05-21T22:32:00.005-05:00

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Yeah I know it was days ago, but here's what went down last weekend on the mighty Chesapeake:

Without ever getting an answer about what became of Liquid Assets I, we climbed aboard Liquid Assets II

We hauled in some of these

We did this to them, which got us good intel and kept the nation safe.

We were all pleasantly surprised that we did not have to scurry onto the orange thing, Save Your Assets II

~~~

Everybody Knows The Dice Are Loaded

2009-05-11T13:04:00.004-05:00

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... and all I ever learned from love
was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya
but it's not a cry that you hear tonight
it's not some pilgrim who claims to have seen the light
it's a very cold and broken hallelujah.

Taking my Special Lady Friend out for a night of nights.

~~~

Random Yo' Momma Shots on Facebook

2009-05-10T15:01:00.003-05:00

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Eat Or Be Eaten

2009-04-28T17:36:00.010-05:00

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Today's Republican party. The only exception is that there is no well-spoken serial killer in the scene. The party is digging forks into their own succulent gray goo. MMMMmmm tastes like chicken hawk.

As they chase Arlen Specter out of the Big Half Empty Tent, they don't even realize that they brought this on themselves. Specter, like the state of Pennsylvania, was once reliably Reagan-Republican. Over the past 15 years, the party has pushed forward their ever-more radicalized agenda by marginalizing more and more of their former base. As the Bush doctrine stated, you're either with us or against us. There's no room for moderation. 1980's Reagan Republican, Senator Arlen Specter, is now deemed a left wing loony. Specter is not the beginning or end, either. He's the big news today, because as he exits the tent, he's taking one of the main poles with him. He explained it quite succinctly in his answer to a reporter's question about his decision to switch parties.

"The Republicans didn't rally to Wayne Gilchrest in Maryland, who was beaten by the Club for Growth and the far right and [the Club's candidate then] lost the general election. Republicans didn't rally to the banner of Joe Schwartz of Michigan and he was beaten by a conservative and the Club for Growth and they lost the general election ... And had Lincoln Chafee been elected in 2006, the Republicans would have controlled the Senate in 2007 and 2008 and I would have been chairman of the [Judiciary] committee and President Bush nominated 13 circuit judges. They were all left on the table for President Obama. And President Bush nominated 21 district court judges and they were all left on the table for President Obama. Now take the social conservatives in America and how they prize circuit judges. And for people who are Republicans to sit by and allow them to continue to dominate the party, after they beat Chafee, cost us Republican control of the Senate and lost us 34 federal judges, there oughta be a rebellion. There oughta be an uprising. So thanks for asking me the question about what are the Republicans like here."

Oh there IS an uprising in the Republican party, but it's a polar opposite of what Specter meant. While he's suggesting that reasonable people take back the party, the remaining party faithful are throwing tea bags on the ground and threatening to secede Texas and turn it into a socially conservative holy land.

Embarrassing moron.

In contrast, when reasonable people have an uprising, do you know what it looks like? It looks like the Pennsylvania elections of 2008, where about 200,000 former Republicans registered as Democrats to vote in the presidential primary. Of course, some of those people did so to try to prolong and thus weaken the Democratic Party's primary victor. Right wing cheerleaders insisted that most of them switched for this reason ... but who won PA in the general election*?

So good riddance to Specter! Yeah go on! And while you're at it, take McCain with you, as Rush Limbaugh said today. Come to think of it, take Maine's Senator, Susan Collins - she (like 70% of the country's voters) is PRO CHOICE! All you intellectuals can pound sand too. Boo! Pretty soon, the Republican Party will be back to it's old glorious self-righteous self. Except instead of a Big Tent, it will be a handful of sideshow freaks.

~~~

* That would be not McCain.

Thanks, Yanks

2009-04-27T07:04:00.004-05:00

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Dear New York AL Team,

You and your fan who works in our office have made this Monday morning a pleasure. The drubbing you took all weekend from the venerable Red Sox has all but made me forget that my team looked like Little League players against the Mets. At least my guys avoided the sweep. My guys suck, but they only cost $60 million dollars for payroll. Yankee suckiness rings up at $201 million. Yes, I know it probably won't last. NY tends to clock-in sometime in June and claw their way back in every year. For now though, let's all just sit back and enjoy Monday.

~~~

Summer In America

2009-04-26T17:11:00.012-05:00

Yeah, the date says April, but 94º and sunny is summer. Em came out and stayed the weekend. She brought Spudnuts! Ro* and Ellen and Em went shopping while I strove to tame the land about us. Dave and Kelly hung out at our place, then we returned the favor. Lots of food and laughing. This was the first normal weekend we've had in a while, and it was so good.

Yes, of course there's still a lot of recovering to do, and we dote on Ro* much more than she would like. The difference is subtle, but enormous; If any of us has to pee, we walk ourselves to the bog and have at it. The only pain medications around are white Russians. And nobody is paralyzed, with dicey odds on whether or not it's temporary. On top of this, there's an awful lot to the notion of knowing that you have people - friends and family who will back you up when you need it most, and just kick your ass at board games when things are chill.

This weekend is the anniversary of my grandmother's passing, and she has been all over my mind. There are echoes of her influences everywhere. Much of my own ability to take things in stride can be traced directly back to her. The last time I saw her, she said Ro* was a dancer, and she gave me strict orders to take good care of her. Then she took my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said goodbye. She had three beautiful daughters, and one of them is my mom. We have good people.

Photo by granddaughter Lauren Szafran Lally

My my my, it's a beautiful world.

~~~

March 31 to April 25

2009-04-25T10:31:00.003-05:00

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This Is What A Real Republican Should Look Like

2009-04-23T08:19:00.003-05:00

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(Strong language)

We liked Shep Smith's Katrina coverage, too. Which one of these guys would Ronald Reagan side with? And hey Trace Gallagher, you soulless shill, you're "not saying whether torture is right or wrong"? You can't set down an opinion about torture?

~~~

Wee're Number One

2009-04-22T16:38:00.008-05:00

~~~

Some of y'all started coming here for updates on Ro*. When we post stuff about other things, you get a little impatient. We understand, and we'll try to include Ro* information, or "Ro*Fo" , within our other updates. Let's try it out:

Ro* was very pleased to watch her Washington Nationals take their second win in a row against the stinkin' Braves. She could have done without the heart attack drama in the top of the 9th, when the closer walked the leadoff batter, then gave up a double. With 2nd and 3rd bases juiced and no outs, it was looking like yet another Hanrahan Heartbreaker. But wait ... what's this?!? They get three outs and win the game!

Everyone was inspired, but none so much as Ro* - so much so, that she urinated on her own today to celebrate. Yep. She whizzed. She made her bladder gladder. She micturated. She achieved emiction. Life gave her lemons, and she made lemonade. For the first time in 23 days, she

voided

without the assistance (intrusion) of various implements and people.

We're happier about this than we were when she went in the potty for the first time. Here's the thing; ever since we left the hospital, and moreso with each passing day, her lack of production was becoming more and more abnormal. For a few days, or even more, it's easy to blame the various drugs. Then you move to recovery from the surgery as a rationale. As time passed though, the possibilty of nerve damage loomed ever larger. Nobody uttered the words "bladder paralysis", but we all quietly googled it and obsessed about it in the wee dark hours of the night. Nobody wanted to think about it, just like nobody wanted to think about Joel Hanrahan's growing habit of blowing ballgames (see how I brought that back around?)

Tonight, we will celebrate Pee and Poo Independence Day with Chinese food, followed by a special Potty Cake. At Ro's suggestion, it's a yellow cake, with chocolate frosting.

~~~

- Then we will watch the final game of the Nats/Braves series. Hopefully, Atlanta will piss away another one.

All Your Baseball Are Belong To Us

2009-04-21T08:57:00.004-05:00

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This is the logo of the team that got PWN3D last night by THE WORST TEAM IN BASEBALL.

April 20, 2009

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E
Atlanta	0	0	0	2	0	0	0	0	0	2	6	0
Washington	0	0	0	2	0	1	0	0	X	3	8	0

Here's the moron who couldn't pitch his
way past a batting lineup that falls off a
cliff after the four spot.

Jesus Flores is overcome with emotion, after closer Joel Hanrahan finally finds a team that
is unable to ruin one of his save attempts.

~~~

PAYDAY!

2009-04-20T09:15:00.021-05:00

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photo NY Daily News

It took several years, but the Washington Nationals have inked a long term deal with the Face of the Franchise. From The Washington Post:

Zimmerman, Nationals Agree To Five-Year, $45 Million Deal

Until at least 2013, Ryan Zimmerman will play for the Washington Nationals -- the team that drafted him, and the team that has now affirmed his role in its future. Zimmerman and the Nationals have agreed to a five-year, $45 million contract, two industry sources said tonight.
-more-

After imploding to the Marlins three games in a row, and being in last place in all of Major League Baseball, and even failing to correctly spell the name of the team on Zimmerman's jersey (and Adam Dunn's), The Washingtn Natinals have finally managed to land some good news.

Jordan in his Potomac Nationals
Minor League cap

And tonight in DC, rookie phenom pitcher Jordan (the other white meat) Zimmermann debuts on the mound. There will be much hullabaloo. So we got that goin' for us. Everything's coming up Zimmerman(n)s.

Franchise trademark FAIL

Adam Dunn Hits Hme Runs

~~~

All Terrain Physical Therapy

2009-04-19T12:42:00.002-05:00

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She still has to lie down to rest a lot, but this kid knows how to push the envelope.

Void Where Prohibited

2009-04-15T14:07:00.003-05:00

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Still pushing clear fluids, and watchful for any signs of UTI. Nothing else to report.

~~~

They Put Our Bidness In The Street

2009-04-13T17:43:00.010-05:00

~~~

Last Friday morning:
7:00 am - Dr. Abel and his Posse came in to our little hospital room and said, "why don't you guys go home?"

10:00 am - All the papers were in order, the room packed up, ready to roll out of there.
11:00 am
12:00 pm
1:00 pm
1:25 pm
1:49 pm
2:14 pm
2:20 pm
2:23 pm
2:28 pm
2:32 pm
2:34 pm
2:35 pm - And off we go.

*****

~~~ Either Dead Or Home ~~~

The two hour ride from UVA home was tricky, but we made it. Ro is doing really well at home. She has a day bed in the living room and a night bed in her bedroom. She is managing pain with nothing more than children's Tylenol. When she's sitting or standing, she wears a hard torso brace, and that will be the case until the end of June. She hates the brace, and the brace hates her. It's a thing they have.

Sorry for the delay in updating. Things are pretty busy post-hospital. Lots of people have been inquiring, but none have put it quite like the email from mom:

Subject: Ro*
Date: April 12, 2009 2:25:21 PM EDT

How are you all? Did she void on her own yet?
Happy Easter!
Are you ever going to blog again and tell folks Ro* is home?
They will think she is either dead or home!
Love, Mom*

So for any of you who were concerned about Ro's status upon this mortal coil, I can assure you that - who says "void"? She's doing great. Watching a boatload of TV, but great. As soon as she voids, I'll issue a press release.

~~~

Dammit Baby

2009-04-09T07:06:00.008-05:00

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When babies start toddling, it's hard work. Their muscles aren't tuned to standing up and putting one foot in front of the other. Even though it's frustrating, hard work, they really want to stand up. That's where we are today. Ro has been on a bed since last Tuesday. Since then, her center of balance has been scuttled. All her muscles now have to learn to work with this new structure. She has eaten almost nothing and her legs are weakened. It's frustrating, hard work, but she really wants to do it.

Ro laid in her hospital bed this morning and listened as the doctors talked abstractly about getting up and moving around. It will help get the body functions going. And eat something ... something healthy. Do you like yogurt? Ro lay with a pillow mostly hiding an angry scowl. The sun was coming up after a night of impossiblitilies; can't get into a comfortable position, can't do anything independently, can even use the toilet. She was fuming as this doc stood on his two legs and said oh just eat and walk around and go to the can, you know?

When babies start walking, they have a hard time, and they invariably fall down. Most of them cry until somebody helps them, but a few get pissed off, and you can almost see them saying "dammit". Sometimes they punch at whatever threw them off balance. Then they go again. Ro is a Dammit Baby.

~~~

No News Is Good News. And Annoying.

2009-04-08T08:46:00.003-05:00

~~~

Hey playuhs. The lack of blog updates is due to an increased task list
and the need to sleep. Things are going pretty well during Ro's
recovery. I promise to dish details soon.

Sent from mobile

~~~

We're Out Of The Woods, But It's A Long Walk Home.

2009-04-06T13:58:00.001-05:00

Well Planned

2009-04-06T11:37:00.005-05:00

~~~

Within about three hours, Ro should be able to focus. Within six, she'll have watched John Lannan and her Washington Nationals beat The Florida Marlins. Major surgery gives Opening Day a whole new meaning. It's going to be a great season.

~~~

Almost Post-op

2009-04-06T11:17:00.003-05:00

~~~

12:10

Med Student Extraordinaire and soon-to-be Resident Anjahn just came up to the waiting room lounge. They are closing at this moment. The surgery went very well, with no neurologial interruptions. Anjahn was in the operating theatre to observe. He's been closely involved with Ro throughout this process. He took phone pics during the surgery and shared them with us (no - I won't).

We are now awaiting an official briefing from the surgeons. Ro will be taken back to our old friends in PICU, where we will be able to see her very soon. This time around, she will be knocked-out cold, and will come out of anesthesia very slowly. Take your time, darlin'. More soon.

~~~

Addendum: I was wrong wrong wrong. She is awake and alert and in every bit of the same kind of pain as the first post-op. I feel horrible, because I told her to expect an easier ride. This is so so hard.

Ro Cool

2009-04-06T09:43:00.002-05:00

~~~

As they wheeled her into the O.R. for the second time in a week, she flashed an I Love You sign, followed by peace sign.

~~~

Quick Update

2009-04-06T09:01:00.004-05:00

~~~

The phone rang in the waiting room just after 9:00 am. Just a call to let us know that surgery was underway. The expectation is that she'll be in for three to four hours today. Much of the heavy work was done in the first procedure.

What's left, to be very basic about it, because that's all I can be, is to attach the two titanium rods to the spine. The rods attach to screws that were put into individual vertebrae last week. Today's work will be a very deliberate effort to coax the spinal column into position and attach the rods on vertebra at a time.

We are very comfortable with the team of docs and nurses on this job. Their combination of humanity and competence is on a level we've never witnessed close-up. It's a privilege, an honor, and a true gift to have access to their skills.

~~~

Go Time

2009-04-06T07:31:00.003-05:00

~~~

Something happened somewhere else and patient we never met did not go
into surgery early this morning. Dr. Abel, not one to sit idle, said,
"let's get that cool kid in here and get going." Ro went into pre-op
at 8:00. More when we know.

~~~

Sent from mobile

UVA Medical Center WiFi Guest 167 Logging In

2009-04-05T00:32:00.008-05:00

~~~

"Sweetie, you want me to read to you some more?"
"hmmmm ... what time is it Dad?"
"11:30 at night."
"You were right. My body clock stopped. Sure, maybe half a chapter."

Tonight has been much better than the last night. We've both gotten a few more naps, and pain management has worked out a lot better. Nurse Rachel (our second nurse Rachel) just left. We've done a lot of sleeping position changes this evening - back, to right side, to back, to left side. It seems to help ease the pain a bit. I just helped her roll flat again.
"Are you chilly?"
"No. Maybe a little."
It's cool in the room, but this was a first. Having a sheet has almost been too much for her. I gave her a blanket.
"Do you want me to read to you some more?"
"No. Sing me a song." She grabbed my finger in her hand.
"Ok then. " I started into True Love Ways by Buddy Holly because she likes that one, but she cut me off.
"You Are My Sunshine," she said.
As the song was ending, she gazed at the balloons that came from Jane and the girls. I segued into more stuff about sunshine, but I could only muster the chorus. As I repeated it over and over, she drifted off to sleep.

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine
Out of the pouring rain
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow
and fill my cup again.

~~~

GTIF. Good Thing It's Friday

2009-04-03T15:57:00.009-05:00

~~~

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine being 12 - don't worry, the internet will still be here when you open them again. You're 12 years old, and you're in a room with your parents. You're in that room together for 24 hours a day and for four solid days. With your parents. You're forced to stay in a bed while their faces hover a couple of feet above you, telling you what a trooper you are.
Crazy yet? No?
How about we add in the worst pain of your life.
Now? No?
WOW! YOU REALLY ARE A TROOPER! LOOK AT YOU!!
Let's take away that morphine you've been slurping on.
How about now? Looking for this?

We've gotten lots of positive news today.

I don't care about your news.

This morning, the two hugely uncomfortable drains in her back were removed. The arterial line is also gone. Ro's temperature is down to normal range. Her breathing and leg exercises are coming along very well. After talking with the good doctor this morning, it was decided that she would be fitted for a hard plastic brace instead of going back into traction for the days leading up to Surgery II - The Empire Strikes The Back. It's no flowing gossamer gown, but the brace is aces up against re-applying the ice tongs to either side of your head for traction. One big benefit of the brace is that it will allow Ro to sit up in bed, which is handy for a lot of things. I won't go into it.

So long, artline.

This evening, we officially ruled out one other potentially big problem: The lack of productivity in the area of bowel movement is now definitely attributed to Ro's morphine habit that she picked up in the Nam. A side-worry was that the paralysis symptoms exhibited in her foot may also be playing havoc in her intestines. Not the case. Ruled out. All good, except that I went into it.

The switch from sweet sweet morphine to vicodin today has been rough, but the itch is going away, the nauseous feeling is subsiding, and the strike has ended at the Crap Factory. Production is scheduled to resume anytime now. Now all we have to do is have another back surgery. That won't be too bad for a trooper like Ro*. My God, I AM annoying.

~~~

They're Moving Us Again, Again

2009-04-03T06:09:00.007-05:00

~~~

It's about 7:00 on Friday morning and Ellen and I are awaiting rounds. We've developed a strategy for getting the most out of Dr. Abel and all his hangers on while they're showering attention on our patient. Ellen asks questions and I take notes. Brilliant, I know. It's taken us the better part of a week to develop and perfect this technique.

Meanwhile, in the news, we were on the move again yesterday. We got turfed out of PICU and down the hall to Acute Care. After the Tuesday Waiting Room Incident, we were anxious when we heard the rumblings of an impending move. Having been trapped in PICU for a while, we had developed a bit of Stockholm Syndrome for the people there.

Soon after we were moved to the new settlement, we realized the advantages and the reasons for the move. The new room is much more quiet, it has it's own bathroom with a camper-style shower, it has a TV with a DVD player to watch The IT Crowd (thanks John), the parent slab is even slightly better. The reasons they moved us are good as well; Ro isn't as needful of the PICU nurses as the other kids who were in there, and she's at less risk of various infections by being where we are now. At this stage of the game, infection is a huge risk, which is why I've become a Door Nazi. Nobody comes in without washing hands first. Nobody comes in unless it's for patient care. Ro really likes the singing balloon that Ellen M sent, but the delivery dude didn't make the cut for entry and was greeted outside the door. The little production our VTC family put together was brilliant - and germ free.

Ro is making the rest of us look like punks. She's managing so much pain and so many drugs, needles, drains and other necessary evils, and she's doing it with uncanny poise. It's been a tough 24 hours. She's been exercising her lungs and moving her legs and doing a lot of other things that are really really hard work.

We deeply discourage in-person visitors at this point, not only because of the infection risks, but also because Ro would prefer it to be that way. She wants a shower and a chance to brush her hair before holding court. Also, she'd like to remember that she saw you, and that's hard to do when you're busy working out minute-to-minute living.

If you'd like to send her a note, please do. Ellen and I promise she will get it. You can send it to my email or Ellen's. We also read her notes from the comments section here. UVA also has a nice e-card system HERE. The nurses will print your card and deliver it to Ro. The very best gift you can send is words. She likes having us read emails to her, and sometimes she dictates replies (but no promises ... sometimes she dozes off in the middle).

Docs are here. More news in a shorty.

~~~

Tempeh Sub. College Town, College Food.

2009-04-02T16:40:00.001-05:00

Day 3

2009-04-02T06:36:00.002-05:00

~~~

Hey y'all. Had a decent night, relative to the night before. That's
easy for me to say. Ro has had an increased amount of what the medical
community calls "discomfort". This morning marks the start of third
day post-op. She has a lot of work to, and it has already begun. Just
before the 7:00am rounds and shift change, she was rolled onto her
side and her dressings were changed. Next, her bed was placed into a
slight sitting position. Dr Abel had her try to bring her knees up to
her hips. She almost made it. Lots of pain. In addition, she has
started breathing excercises to combat the I'll effects of morphine,
and she'll start eating semi solid foods, like yogurt, today. Big
day. I'm writing from the cab of the mighty mighty F-150 in the UVA
parking garage. I'll head for home and pop in at work then return for
the afternoon. The outlook is good and we keep reminding Ro of the
near future to get through the present. When I last asked her what she
needed, she asked if I could find a Time Plow.

Sent from mobile

~~~

Here's What We Got

2009-04-01T13:46:00.006-05:00

~~~

Any daytime hospital drama worth its time contains a few subplots. We've had our share here. Now that they're all a few hours old, we've had time to sort through and figure out which of the subplots means something. The clear winner on that count would be Ro's Left Foot.

Every hour or less, a nurse comes in to the room and does all the heroic things PICU nurses do. Among these tasks, they check Ro's extremities for good response to touch, good reflex, and movement. Last night, around 8:00pm, nurse Rachael did just that. After she left, Ro told me that her left foot was feeling a little weird, as though she were not able to make it do everything she wanted it to do. This of course seemed an important bit of news, but it was in with an awful lot of other news, all very important. We were scheduled to transport to x-ray floor and for a CT scan as well. Questions arose as to the risk of moving her at that time, versuses the now even more vital need for the data the x-rays and scan would provide. This is why it took every bit of three hours, two nurses, four scan technicians, four orthopedic MDs, three transport staffers, and one highly stressed dad to accomplish the goal.

Some major decisions had to be made. If we did the CT scan, we would have to take Ro out of traction. With no support rods in place, what are the risks? Would it be better to wait a few hours? When we move the plate under her for x-ray, should she be log rolled, or slid? The techs had a lot of opinions. The on-call orthopedic doc had not arrived. A trauma patient was en route at that moment, and the CT scanner would be needed. The techs wanted to move us through the process. The Dad was voicing his extreme displeasure. We maintained this standoff in the freezing cold scanner room for a half hour. Our PICU nurse united with me to stall for time and hog the room. Finally, the orthopedic MD arrived. Then a second, then a third. The three M.D.s confered with each other and on the telephone with our own Dr. Abel. Ro was now unable to move her foot, along with her left knee. The docs reasoned that the CT scan was top priority, and outweighed the risk of removing traction. They needed and asked for my permission to do so. I wnated to call Ellen, but my phone had lost all it's data, maybe when we walked past the MRI machine. I borrowed a nurse's cell and made the call. The traction weights were removed and nine of us worked together to slowly move a backboard under her and transfer her to the scanning table.

It was decided that we would re-apply traction when we got her back to PICU. By that time, it was nearly midnight. As we returned to the unit, Ro was able to move her toes again. So, more huge news. Her motor skills were returning. The docs chocked it up to "spinal shock". Ro and I marked the minutes for the rest of the night. The moving and jostling were painful for her, and the morphine was starting to cause her itching and rash to get worse. There was a general feeling that moving her may have actually helped her regain her motor skills. Then, around 3:00 am, she said to me, "Dad, I think I'm losing that foot again." This time, it happened even faster than before. This time, we had a cavalcade of residents, nurses, pediatricians, rsdient assistants, assistatant residents, assistants to the residents come in and perform the same basic motor skills tests. "Do you feel that?"
"Yes."
"Can you wiggle your toes?"
"No."
Etc. Each would come in, ask the same questions, shrug and try to look pensive-yet-brilliant, and leave.

Just before 7:00 am, Ellen and Vickie returned, as did Dr. Abel. I took the opportunity to crumple to the cot like a sack of dirty laundry. The whites, Dude.

This trio, these fresh horses, might as well have stormed through the doors and declared, "what the HELL is going on here, people?!?" Ellen and Vickie took over patient care. Dr. Abel looked at the CT scan and x-rays and came to talk to Ro.
"How are you feeling, Ro.?"
"Not awesome."
"What hurts?"
"My head and my right foot. My left foot still won't move."
"Your head hurts? Let's remove that traction and take off the two-point halo. And your right foot hurts?"
"Yeah. I think it's because of the things they put on my legs."
They had place compression cuffs on her calves to help prevent clotting.
"Let's take those off too."
This guy was amazing. If she hadn't been so relieved already, Ro probably would have next asked for a pony.

Dr. Abel thinks the left foot issue is due to too much straightening of the spine in one go during yesterday's surgery. It simply isn't used to it. He removed traction to allow it to bend back a little bit. After her right foot stopped hurting, he replaced the cuffs, only looser.

Guess what - by noon, Ro was wiggling her toes again, in both feet.

So here is the Plan as of now: We have scheduled the followup surgery for Monday, April 6th, but that date will be scrubbed unless Ro has completely regained all motor movement. If indeed that happens, the rods will be placed on the spine, but they will be more open to allowing some curvature to remain, even with the rods in place. In other words, they will psh the spine as straight as they can, but they won't risk insulting the nervous system.

Ro is feeling much better, but there's a long way to go. Her big sister came this afternoon and read to her for a while. She can now be rolled toward either her left or right side, thus allowing for more relaxing bed rest. She is sleeping right now, and it's the first really good sleep she's had.

~~~

Just Real Quick

2009-04-01T08:32:00.002-05:00

~~~

Nobody slept much last night, and we're all pretty happy to see the
sun. Ro had a CT scan and full x-ray done last night, which was no
small task. When a PICU patient gets moved, the PICU portable version
goes with them. She has a lot of pain but is managing it with a
morphine pump. This morning an MRI is scheduled to get a complete look
at her spine. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to us that
you all care so much. We really feel it. Ro is going minute to minute,
ice chip to morphine drip. Its really really hard. She knows you're
our there pulling for her, and I can tell you it means a lot to her too.

Sent from mobile

~~~

Hard Work, But She's Up To The Job. I Hope We Are.

2009-03-31T15:15:00.005-05:00

~~~

"The Ro still rocks."
- The first thing she said, while struggling to manage massive pain.

"Nine."
- Reply to 0-to-10 pain scale inquiry.

"Is there anything I can do to help you through this difficult time?"
- Uttered to her dad as he lost his shit at her bedside.

~~~

Ouch

2009-03-31T14:18:00.005-05:00

~~~

OK troops. Bit of a sucker punch to report. We're back to two surgeries now. We just met Dr. Abel, who gave us full details on today. The team was about ten minutes away from finalizing. All of the screws are implanted, and both of the long rods were in place. At that point, something went wrong on the neural muscular monitoring system. The neuro physiologist said that he lost contact with the responses from the machines. The surgeons removed one rod, then the other, in an effort to re-establish a feed and rule out anything but a glitch. When the monitors still did not respond, Dr. Abel made the call to stop. Being unable to determine whether this was a technical problem or a real loss of neuro muscular reaction, it was the only course of action he deemed correct. The very very very good news is that Ro is ok. She is in ICU right now, and responding to touch sensation. Everything is working.

I'm sure that if you're reading this, you're feeling a little destroyed. I also know firsthand that there's no way out of that reaction, except through. That said, please focus on getting through. That's what we're doing, and we're going to be depending on you for help. We're on our way in now to see Ro. More soon.

~~~

Tick Tock Drip Drop

2009-03-31T12:08:00.005-05:00

~~~

No news. We haven't heard from the op room since around 9:30. On the upside, people have left the Lounge, thus opening up some of the fluffier chairs. Ellen has made friends with everyone remaining. She now knows their names, along with the names of the patients for whom they are each waiting. She has details on the various ailments and conditions of the patients, along with an impressive workup of the medical histories of those in waiting. Meanwhile, the Camp Guard has deputized Vickie. When he wanders out for a latrine break or a sandwich (or both), Vickie is in charge of answering the Red Phone and getting the call to a verifiable Immediate Family Member. She has crossed over, and can no longer be trusted.

BREAKING NEWS:

Call in from OR: This is going to be a single surgery procedure. I'm typing this as I hear Ellen repeat it into the phone. So it's official. No halo, no second surgery next week. OK. I am not crying. I'm just yawning. This place is so boring. Huhhhhhhhhhmmm. Shut up.

OK. So.

Ok.

So ... the charge nurse in the O.R. tells Ellen that there will be "a few" more hours of surgery. Vickie, our cardiac surgical nurse, confirms that "a few" means 3. It's currently 1:30, Mom. Nine hours of anesthesia will mean a pretty slow wake up. This long day just got a little bit longer, but very well worth it to avoid a second operation.

Thanks everyone for following and caring so very much. It's been quite helpful to keep me busy with the updates. More on the way anytime we get news ... or I just need to keep my fingers busy.

Taken this morning at 7:00 am

~~~

They Are Moving Us Again

2009-03-31T09:35:00.005-05:00

~~~

I know we passed the cafeteria and two parking garages, but then I lost track ...

We were settled in to sturdy new chairs of rosewood and padded supple cushions when one of those administration types walked up on us. She was wearing a Hello Kitty blouse that was designed to resemble scrubs, but they were not scrubs, clearly. I knew right away she was going to be a problem. These chairs recline.

"Are you waiting for someone who is in surgery at this time?"

I knew that the wrong answer would result in her taking charge of our situation. Once she seized control, she would hang on like a rabid badger. I took a chance. "Yes, we are."

"We're getting ready for a service meeting here and we'll need you to move to the Surgical Family Lounge."

DAMN.

We fell in with dozens of other displaced waiting room waiters as we were told to follow a chipper young lady in a red smock. As you go through life, never, ever allow yourself to be lead by someone in a smock.

"Say, Target. Where you taking us?"

"Just to another lounge. They have coffee!"

We trudged through the lobby and down a long hallway, where the crowd stopped short. Eventually, we rounded a corner to a bank of elevators. Our group piled into one of them and Smurfette pushed floor 5. When we exited, we walked to a large door - SURGICAL FAMILY LOUNGE. It was packed to overflowing with the people who had been herded along with us. The chairs are wooden desk seats. Ikea. They do not recline.

At least we got in. Many of our comrades were not so lucky. As the room filled up, Emily Elizabeth herded the remaining throng back to the elevators. It was clear to me that she had no idea where to take them next, but she was bent on maintaining her leadership status.

"Excuse me," I said to the Camp Guard, "the charge nurse in surgery said she would call the 1st floor waiting room with updates, so ..."

"The 1st floor "lounge" is transfering calls here from the O.R."

"Oh ARE they?"

As I write this, Ellen and Vickie are executing a daring escape from this fool's paradise. They will get word of our plight to allied forces. A card game has sprung up in front of me, blocking my exit path. It is too late for me, but I'm certain I will be avenged.

~~~

Call In From OR

2009-03-31T08:19:00.001-05:00

~~~

Charge nurse just called to say surgery is well underway. Everything
is going well.

Sent from mobile

Pegasus Rescue. Amazing People.

2009-03-31T07:45:00.001-05:00

Off We Go

2009-03-31T07:22:00.001-05:00

Buy The Ticket, Take The Ride

2009-03-31T06:51:00.001-05:00

~~~

We arrived at UVA at 6:10 and by 6:30, Ro was in a gown and cap. We
met a cavalcade of nurses, IV techs, surgeons, interns, and various
paparazi. An IV line was started with no trouble at all. At 7:30, a
doc started some versed. Happy juice. We are now in chairs with
Vickie. More later.

~~~~

Sent from mobile

Rollin' Out. 4:00.

2009-03-31T03:02:00.001-05:00

Hypothetical

2009-03-30T21:20:00.007-05:00

~~~

Maybe let's say you're scheduled for a 3:30 am wake-up call so that you can make the two hour drive to having major surgery. Let's say you're left with a few hours of time to pause and reflect and try to find the handle on the situation. No one would blame you for having a little bit of a freak-out. Maybe you'd just retreat to your bedroom and stare at the ceiling. Or maybe you would compete in your school forensics championships.

While others plan to go trudging onto the bare stage with a lined sheet of paper in-hand, head down and reading to the floor, maybe you would just throw caution to the wind and leave your cheat sheet at home.

It's an unlikely scenario, but let's just say that's what you do. After the parade of parental well-wishers are done patting your arm and giving you their best We'll Be Thinking Of You Tomorrow ... You Know ... When You Go ... Uhhhmmm ... To Get The Uhhhh ... YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE speech, maybe your name is announced and you stride on stage alone and begin:

I am weary of the Garden, Said the Rose;
For the winter winds are sighing,
All my playmates round me dying,
And my leaves will soon be lying 'Neath the snows.

But I hear my Mistress coming, Said the Rose;
She will take me to her chamber,
Where the honeysuckles clamber,
And I'll bloom there all December Spite the snows.

Sweeter fell her lily finger Than the bee!
Ah, how feebly I resisted, Smoothed my thorns, and e'en assisted
As all blushing I was twisted Off my tree.
And she fixed me in her bosom Like a star;
And I flashed there all the morning,
Jasmin, honeysuckle scorning
Parasites forever fawning That they are ...

...
...
...

Now let's say you're doing smashingly well up to this point. Then it happens; a bad case of Blank Brain. The next stanza is nowhere to be found. Everybody is looking at you and the auditorium has fallen absolutely silent. Many of the onlookers are betting you're about to break down in tears and run off stage. But instead, let's say you stand there on that stage, absolutely calm. During the extended pause, anothor enormous ice shelf in the Antarctic breaks loose and tumbles into the icy water and the FDIC takes two more banks into receivership. Then ... ahh yes, there it is. You simply continue:

And when evening came she set me In a vase
All of rare and radiant metal,
And I felt her red lips settle
On my leaves til each proud petal
Touched her face.

And I shone about her slumbers Like a light
And, I said, instead of weeping,
In the garden vigil keeping,
Here I'll watch my Mistress sleeping Every night.

But when morning with its sunbeams Softly shone,
In the mirror where she braided
Her brown hair I saw how jaded,
Old and colorless and faded, I had grown.

Not a drop of dew was on me, Never one;
From my leaves no odors started,
All my perfume had departed,
I lay pale and broken-hearted In the sun.

Still I said, her smile is better Than the rain;
Though my fragrance may forsake me,
To her bosom she will take me,
And with crimson kisses make me Young again.

So she took me . . . gazed a second . . . Half a sigh . . .
Then, alas, can hearts so harden?
Without ever asking pardon,
Threw me back into the garden, There to die.

How the jealous garden gloried In my fall!
How the honeysuckle chid me,
How the sneering jasmins bid me
Light the long gray grass that hid me Like a pall.

There I lay beneath her window In a swoon,
Till the earthworm o'er me trailing
Woke me just at twilight's failing,
As the whip-poor-will was wailing To the moon

But I hear the storm-winds stirring In their lair;
And I know they soon will lift me
In their giant arms and sift me
Into ashes as they drift me Through the air.

So I pray them in their mercy Just to take
From my heart of hearts, or near it,
The last living leaf, and bear it To her feet,
and bid her wear it For my sake.

When it's all over, let's say you win first prize in the poetry division. Why not? We're just making this up to pass the time and try not to panic. Right?

~~~

Surgery Christmas!

2009-03-30T14:51:00.002-05:00

The Wonders Of The World They Wrought

2009-03-28T05:42:00.011-05:00

~~~

So far, for the x-ray series, CT scan, consults, and blood work, we have racked-up $600.00 in medical bills for our latest adventure. Out of this amount, our insurance company has paid $540, and our co-pay has been $60.00. Since some of the people reading this are my co-workers who are covered under the same policy, we thought it might be good to keep a running tab. We'll try to rate the coverage based on out-of-pocket expenses as well as our interactions with the company.

The doctor's office has secured pre-approval from the insurance company for all the procedures. Already, we're well better than par for the course. After getting word of this, I called the insurance company and had them confirm it. This proved unnecessary, since they had also mailed us a pre-approval status report. So to this stage, we have zero complaints. Historically speaking however, insurance company desk jockeys have earned a reliability rating just a scotch below the average dispatch office for a cab stand in Rio. During festival.

The name of our Blue Cross / Blue Shield provider is ANTHEM. It doesn't help their branding efforts much that whenever I say ANTHEM, I think of the song by Rush ... which is on an album called Fly By Night.

Anthem = Fly by night insurance.

If the coverage continues as it has so far, maybe all my word associations will take on more positive imagery.

Anthem scores a perfect 5 Geddy Lees on the
TNP Insurance Rating Scale. For now.

~~~

Pre-surgical Consult

2009-03-27T14:18:00.023-05:00

~~~

Sketches drawn by Dr. Abel to help explain exact details of implanting
titanium rods onto a spine. This was drawn on the tissue paper they
put on examining tables. It will be torn off to prep for the next patient,
and we will be billed $129 for it.

The mighty mighty F150 was rolling south just as the sun was peeking over the trees this foggy morning. Ellen drove separately in order to stage her car at UVA Medical Center for next week. When we arrived at Kluge Children's Rehab Center, the joint was packed with kids in wheelchairs, kids in various braces, tired looking parents, and what appeared to be every proud parent shadowing every med student in the complex. We waited in a short line for our papers as a guy playing a guitar sang to anyone nearby in the waiting room.

Getting zee papers een order

Within a couple of minutes, we were handed a sheet of coded stickers and some paperwork. Just about every person we met from that point on peeled off one of the stickers and slapped it onto a different piece of paperwork. Throughout the entire process, systemic failure seemed imminent, but never happened. It was like being backstage at the circus. We sat in the Arts and Crafts area which was clearly designed for three year-olds, until we heard our name loudly mispronounced.

I built a Legagel.
It's a bagel made from Legos.
Eat it.

The meeting with the primary surgeon and a 3rd year resident commenced. Ellen had her notebook and pen out and was firing off questions and using correct medical terminology. Dr. Abel never broke eye contact with her, as I - once again the under-achieving student with the good head on his shoulders if he'd just apply himself more and at least bring a pencil to class - faded into the corner of the room. The doc said rather matter-of-factly that it's quite possible that this procedure could get done in one surgery. The one problem I have with this guy is that he's not much on emoting. He's so studious and scientifically minded that everything he says comes out with the same delivery:

"Instead of two surgeries, your child may very well only need one, thus eliminating the need for a week of ICU care with a halo bolted to her skull, followed by putting her under dangerous anaesthesia and cutting her wide open a second time."

Is said in exactly the same tone as:

"I had oatmeal this morning. It was good, probably because of the raisins I added in."

Nonetheless, it didn't get past us. Dr. Abel says that they reviewed the MRI, and he feels there is a fairly good chance that they can get the spine loosey-goosey enough in the first go. I could give you all the details, but as I stated above ... no pencil. IF this is the case - and this highly skilled surgeon threw in a lot of IFs - it means that Ro will go in hospital on Tuesday and be wheeled out of there FOUR DAYS LATER, instead of 12 to 14 days. So, if you're the praying type, do us a favor, will you please?

After this meeting, we floated out of the Kluge Building and drove to the surgical unit at UVA proper. There, we were processed all over again by a lady named Diedre who's sister and mother kept ringing her phone while we sat with her. See, her mom is very worried about money, and her sister thinks she's making mistakes in the way she's budgeting. One gets used to this. If you travel anywhere with Ellen, you'll find that everyone she meets tells her at least one intimate detail of their personal life. Again, I was happy to go unnoticed. We finished up the day with Ro giving up some bluh-bluh-BLOOD-duhhh mmwuhhhuhhuhhuhhhhh. We had a good interview with a nurse, who told us where to be and what to expect Tuesday morning, and we were gone. Well, not quite. Turns out Ellen and that nurse met at a meeting, literally 20 years ago, and remembered each other. I don't remember the name of my high school.

This weekend will be Normal. We will act Normal and live Normal and enjoy it as much as possible, because starting Tuesday morning, things get weird.

Halo measurement. JUST IN CASE

This is the woodshop, where they build the halos.

This is a Master Chief from
Halo 3. Awesome.

Here is an example of the rods. One of the 1 inch screws (left pic) is drilled into each side of each of the vertebrae. The rods shown here are outdated and not nearly as hip and cool as the newer rods. Ro's titanium rods will be 5.5mm in diameter and weigh a little more than your cell phone.

~~~

Heading for UVA. Preliminary Stuff.

2009-03-27T06:34:00.001-05:00

Heading Out For Evening Yard Patrol

2009-03-21T16:53:00.001-05:00

~~~

Let Me Know If There's Anything I Can Do

2009-03-18T12:23:00.006-05:00

~~~

By Ellen
TNP Contributing Editor

Hello everybody who is anybody!
Many of you have asked what you could do for Ro in weeks to come.
I have an idea that I think would be fun for her. I am writing to suggest
a card shower before surgery as kind of a pep talk, we are thinking of you,
etc. any kind of positive message before she goes into the hospital for 2 weeks.
As a reminder, she will be having surgery March 31st and April 6th. Those dates are fast
approaching. Too fast for me, not fast enough for her.

Anyway, for anyone interested in participating here is her information

Ro* (she writes it with a star)
c/o VTC
5395 Main Street
Stephens City, VA 22655

Thank you all so much,
Please keep the prayers coming!
Love,
Ellen

For those of you saying, "wait, what? surgery? duh?"
Click dis here- http://nationalspost.blogspot.com/2009/02/there-was-no-cat-i-feel-so-used.html

~~~

These Are The No-Go Areas

2009-03-12T22:19:00.000-05:00

~~~

~~~

Step One: Isolate The Problem

2009-03-10T08:02:00.003-05:00

~~~

~~~

Haiku Twitter Day

2009-03-10T07:26:00.006-05:00

~~~

Here are the haiku tweets we tweeted on twitter. They are featured here, on Haiku Twitter Twuesday.

# Haiku day is done. It's been fun writing these tweets, but I'm sick of it.

# "Spare thirty billion?" "You used to just ask for change." "Change came," said Citi.

# "Damn'd spot! Out I say!", Shakespeare wrote that in a play. That boy had talent.

# That sunshine feels nice, warming me up at my desk. Should have called in sick.

# Congrats to Mohan, new dad to a baby boy. May you get sleep soon.

# If I were a tree, what kind of tree would I be? Trigonometree?

# #Ticketmaster down. Servers unavailable. Service fees still charged.

# CDW, you keep sending direct mail, but I never buy.

# Dining at my desk. Black beans and rice burrito and a bag of chips.

# Fast and furious, haikus fly like ninja stars. Well done ... off to lunch.

# @jeffreyvtc A haiku has five, not six syllables to start. Better luck next time.

# My phone is busted. My email is on the fritz. Greatest day EVER.

# RT@polsaway Nice Ausie meteorological haiku: Cyclone all at sea. Google Earth weather turned on. Just rain, no wind puffs.

# My coffee went cold, like our daily encounters. Farewell, barista.

# Soundbooth CS4 - get the VTC training. I am such a shill.

# Haikus are easy, but sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator. (admittedly stolen)

# Retweet this challenge: Poetry in one-forty. Twitter Haiku Day.

# Attention Tweeters: Happy Twitter Haiku Day. What's your best attempt?

# Curse you, Monday morn. Ye gods, my head is hurting. Get me an aspirin.

~~~

The New Reality

2009-03-04T10:03:00.001-05:00

~~~

~~~

Jim Bowedout

2009-03-01T17:08:00.012-05:00

~~~

"Good night, Wesley. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

Jim Bowden got the ol' heave-ho today. Yes, the headlines say he "resigned", but everybody knows that means. Oh yeah, you know what I'm sayin'. You get the picture. Just to put a nice sharp point on it, Nationals President Stan Kasten spoke immediately after the recently former-GM finished his emotional announcement to the press. He started off nicely enough. "Today, I just want to talk about Jim and all he accomplished," Kasten said. Then he immediately did not talk about Bowden at all.

"I can tell you that we are not missing a beat. Our staff has a meeting tomorrow morning -- first thing. I'm not going to say anything to you about the next steps for a while. There is a reason for that. It would be unwise to speculate or guess what's going on. I have some things I'm working on and things I have to think about. I assure you, we will not be missing a beat. We have a really deep staff here."

"umm, thanks Stan ..."

Lots of Nats fans really really disliked Jim Bowden. Just ask these guys. That said, the staff and management of TNP thought he did a fairly reasonable job. The problem, ever since the team got ownership, has been evident; Bowden had a knack for preventing an abandoned, leaky old barge from completely sinking, but he was not so good at running a cruise liner.

So long, Jim. We truly wish you well - that is as long as you're not actually guilty of skimming cash off poor kids in the Dominican Republic. If, however, the FBI have good reason for investigating you, then we hope your sorry ass lands in a Dominican jail. Otherwise, you know, best of luck.

The really big question looming in our little head meat is this; now that the guy who fired our closer over the radio is gone, would Chad Cordero consider coming back? No? Wait a second hang on could we just

No.

~~~

good DAY.

2009-03-01T07:30:00.011-05:00

~~~

Paul Harvey 1919 - 2009

I didn't like him. Didn't like his pseudo-folksy delivery, or his live read commercials. I didn't like his politics. He was that mean old man, disguised as everybody's uncle, who secretly poisons neighborhood cats. Anyway, he's dead.

I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face,
I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off.
Do I make myself clear?

~~~

KP at HE

2009-02-23T09:02:00.003-05:00

~~~

I didn't mean to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet.

~~~

At Shelldance

2009-02-21T20:05:00.001-05:00

2009-02-21T20:04:00.003-05:00

2009-02-21T20:04:00.001-05:00

2009-02-21T20:03:00.003-05:00

2009-02-21T20:03:00.001-05:00

Nothing Like Breakfast in a Random Diner

2009-02-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

Buy The Ticket, Ride The Ride

2009-02-17T19:17:00.007-05:00

~~~

I was wheeling through the Ear Food Records parking lot to evade an intersection when my cell phone rang. It was nurse Karen, and I was completely unprepared.

"Hi Keith. We have a surgical plan."
"But we were just there yesterday. What about the unexplained delay? Where's the callous disregard?"
"We want to get this done now, so Ro can have a great summer vacation, right?"
"Yeah, I know. It's just a little jarring. The reality is settling in. I don't even get this kind of customer service when I buy a cup of coffee."
"Maybe we should go over the surgical plan?" Karen's an Alpha Nurse.

So here it is, folks. The Plan.

Friday, March 27 - Pre-op appointment.
This is the meeting where we do blood work, fill out paperwork, sign all those forms that indemnify the hospital. We'll also tour the post-op center and get a look at the Expensive Care Unit.

Tuesday, March 31 at 6:30 am - Surgery #1.

Monday, April 6 - Surgery #2.

Each surgery will probably last four to five hours.

So there it is. Real as can be.

~~~

Good Laughiness

2009-02-16T22:13:00.005-05:00

~~~

~~~

There Was No Cat. I Feel So Used.

2009-02-16T19:48:00.021-05:00

~~~

The little prep sheet said to get to the CT scan place ONE HOUR EARLY. Is there a security clearance and baggage check at the place with the scanny stuff? Turns out, yeah there is. Nonetheless, because we read the little sheet and followed the directions, we were rewarded. They whisked us to the Xpress Lane. 20 minutes, and our kid was loaded up with a pack of cheese cracker nabs and a juicebox. I didn't get anything, but I stole a Hershey Kiss.

After the CT scan at Fontaine Research Park, we headed to the Kluge Building for x-rays. They could have done x-rays at the same place we got the CT scan, but the tech at Kluge said Dr. Abel only likes her x-rays. Smug little hussy. They were good shots though. She had Ro lie on a table and bend to the left like this ( and then to her right, like this ) .

These shots were taken to see how much flexibility there is in her spine. Next was family participation time. Ellen grabbed her wrists and I took hold of her ankles and we pulled as hard as we could. Pull traction! Smile! BZZZT! Radiation!

Next, Ro had to stand facing the wall, very much like the end of The Blair Witch Project.

So OK. Are you ready? Because you're going to say what the tech, the head nurse, and my mom all said:

"Holy shit."

We had a great meeting with Karen, the head nurse. The surgeon couldn't be there, because he was in surgery. How lame is that, don't it? Karen had ninja nurse skills. Ellen rained a ballistic hell of questions down on her, and she answered every one of them.

1 - Between the first and second surgery, Ro has to be in a halo. Does she have to wear a body cast to stabilize the halo?

~~ Nope, no body cast, but the halo is bolted in.

2 - During the week between surgeries, is she in traction? Is it 24 hours a day?

~~ Yes. She's in traction 24 hours a day. The first surgery involves moving the spine by removing bone fragments. The second involves attaching the rods. In between, traction is held with the halo, and that is what keeps everything in place.

3 - Will she spend that time in one position?

~~ Yes.

4 - Assuming she will have narcotics on board in the week between surgeries, how do we contend with constipation? (it's a big issue, because you ... ummm ... really have to put your back into it when things are tight.)

~~ We've got mad drugs for that.

5 - Her rib hump (the bump on her back) is currently 25º. What will it reduce down to after surgery?

~~ That depends on decisions that the surgeon has to make.

6 - Will Ro be in ICU after either surgery?

~~ Yes, for at least one night and possibly the entire week.

7 - Where on the vertebrae will the rods be placed? (We know from thoracic to lumbar, but not which vertebrae specifically)

~~ Thoracic 1 or 2 to Lumbar 4 or 5 (ish)

8 - For the two hour ride home, how should we prep a vehicle? Does she need to be lying down?

~~ Seated position. Seatbelt on.

9 - Can we get a second bed in hospital room for parent?

~~ Absolutely.

10 - Wound care management - lots of sub-questions regarding drainage, dressings, as well as patient assistance in sittiing, rolling, etc.

~~ We'll get lots of on the job training while in hospital.

Thankfully, Ellen was laser-focused on the questions. I was sitting with Ro, who I could swear said, "There's a weasle penis on that wall." Naturally, I was startled. I looked at a wall filled with goofy pictures and spotted the one she pointed out. It was a ferret playing a piano - a weasle pianist. Thank God. Ro realized from my expression what I thought she'd said, and began cracking up. We missed a few important points the nurse was making.

Since the doc was not there, we still do not have a hard and firm date for surgery. That said, we know that March 30 is open and a strong possibility. On the way home, Ro asked to stop at Chipoltle. She scored a fat veggie burrito with black beans, rice, corn salsa, cheese, and lettuce. She ate the entire beast. If any of this is troubling her, she hides it like a professional gambler.

~~~

High Creepiness Factor.

2009-02-16T13:21:00.001-05:00

S, I C T scan

2009-02-16T12:59:00.001-05:00

The Waiting ...

2009-02-16T10:37:00.011-05:00

~~~

Today, Ro is scheduled to get a CT scan and bending x-rays. We came to Charlottesville yesterday (Sunday) and had a slumber party with Keith and Emily. Last night, we all went out for authentic Mexican food. The menu had an image of an Aztec dude preparing to sacrifice a virgin. When you're greeted with this, there's no way you can lose. I had the enchilada molé, with a side of guac and some sangre virgen salsa.

Now we're chilling out and watching the clock for CT scan time. Ellen is reviewing and organizing an impressive list of questions for the nurses and surgeons. Here's a sampling:

1 - Between the first and second surgery, Ro has to be in a halo. Does she have to wear a body cast to stabilize the halo?

2 - During the week between surgeries, is she in traction? Is it 24 hours a day?

3 - Will she spend that time in one position?

4 - Assuming she will have narcotics on board in the week between surgeries, how do we contend with constipation? (it's a big issue, because you ... ummm ... really have to put your back into it when things are tight.)

5 - Her rib hump (the bump on her back) is currently 25º. What will it reduce down to after surgery?

6 - Will Ro be in ICU after either surgery?

7 - Where on the vertebrae will the rods be placed? (We know from thoracic to lumbar, but not which vertebrae specifically)

8 - For the two hour ride home, how should we prep a vehicle? Does she need to be lying down?

9 - Can we get a second bed in hospital room for parent?

10 - Wound care management - lots of sub-questions regarding drainage, dressings, as well as patient assistance in sittiing, rolling, etc.

There are more. Oh my, yes. Many more questions. Meantime, we prep and wait. Ro is drinking lots of water - doctor's orders - and keeping busy.

~~~

Tell You What, Mister

2009-02-13T13:12:00.008-05:00

~~~

If these four clowns all showed up at the same time to ask me if my daughter could go out to the county fair and then maybe a Frosty at the Wendy's, I know what I'd say. She can go with the Soul Train over there. The rest of y'all miscreants get off my porch.

~~~

The Big Season

2009-02-11T19:53:00.008-05:00

~~~

Big news: Adam Dunn signs with the Nationals

Welcome back the The Nationals Post.

Consider this post the official start of the 2009 season. We begin it with two BIG NEWS items:

Big News Item 1:
Nationals GM Jim Bowden surprises no one by bagging yet another overrated former Red! Welcome to Washington, Adam. We hope you've finally learned to hit down the left field line, since every defense in the league plays you with a major infield shift and you tend to strike out rather than slap the ball. For $20 million, you damn sure better log another 40 homers, because this fan base is getting pretty restless.

That said, it feels good just to be bitching about baseball again. What a marvelous waste of time. This season will be a very important one for the staff and management of The Nationals Post. The need for an elegant and engaging distraction will be great. When one's mind is troubled, there is no booze or drug anywhere near as capable of calming it as are the subtle dramas within any ballgame.

This season, among the many posts you will endure about our losing team, among the political rants and the blurry iPhone photo posts, there will be one common thread that will weave its way through every single sentence. That thread is Ro, and we have big news of our own regarding this amazing kid.

Big News Item 2:
After more than two years of physical therapy, traction, and every other remotely viable option we could find to address the severe scoliosis in Ro's spine, we have come to an excessively uncomfortable conclusion; surgery is our only remaining choice. At this writing, Ro has three curves in her back. The highest curve, in the upper thoracic spine, is turned to the left at nearly 80º. Ever make a left into the slow lane of a four lane boulevard? That's the turn in her spine. The biggest problem with this analogy is that your car would have to roll onto its side in order to more closely approximate her back. In addition to the three curves, the spine is twisted around, more like a young tree that is growing on a windy mountainside than a Buick trying to get over to make the on ramp coming up.

All cases of scoliosis pose an obvious structural problem in the body. The curves cause the hips, legs, arms, neck, and head to all shift position in an effort to compensate for the loss of stability. Unlike the vast majority of scoliosis cases, Ro's spine is curved toward the left side of her body. This implicates the heart and surrounding area, and poses a threat to normal cardiac and pulminary function.

The surgeries required to correct these problems are brutal and essentially crude. Hooks are attached to each vertebrae from the top to the bottom of the spine, and two titanium rods are attached to the hooks. While the proceedure has improved over time, it is essentially the same handyman techinque that was developed well over 50 years ago. To put it ever so mildly, we did not want to opt for surgery, and we tried hard to avoid it, but here we are. It's our last, least-worst option.

On Monday, we will drive south 120 miles to University of Virginia Hospital, where preliminary x-rays will be taken, along with a CT scan. Afterwhich, we'll pelt one of the surgeons who will be performing two separate procedures with a barrage of follow-up questions. Tuesday is likely the day we will lay down an actual schedule. The sketch plan is to do the first surgery on a Monday, and the second one week later. Between the two, Ro will remain in hospital. She'll have to be in a halo, which is one hell of a euphemism. After the second surgery, she'll remain in hospital for about one more week. When she comes home, we'll spend a lot of time working with her towards a recovery.

Is this plan crazy enough to work? Does it scare the hell out of me? Yes, and yes. Will it fix the problem? Asking this question invariably gets us answers similar to asking the White House if the stimulous package will fix the economy. "We can't guarantee anything, but you have to do it, and it's going to hurt a lot." Thankfully, I've got Ellen and she's got me. And Ro? Please, my nillas. She's a rock. She can't wait to take the field.

Which brings us back to baseball. This coming Nationals season, with new lefty Scott Olsen in the rotation, an overloaded outfield, and as of today Adam Dunn playing at first, could well be an extremely important diversion from the rigors of real life. Or not. We really don't know what to expect, which is the thing that fosters the anxiety. And it fosters hope.

One word of caution to you, dear reader; if you say to us, "let me know if there's anything I can do to help", rest assured that we will think of something. And thank you. We love you.

Watch this space.

~~~

We're Gonna Be In The Hudson

2009-02-05T14:32:00.003-05:00

~~~

Sorry about the 20 second (seems longer) ad up front. While it's playing, just keep chanting, "CBS doesn't understand new media".

~~~

Happy 12th Birthday, Ro*!

2009-01-23T17:58:00.001-05:00

Let Me See That Throng-Th-ThrongThrongThrong

2009-01-20T21:04:00.003-05:00

~~~

~~~

At Inaugural Concert at Lincoln Memorial. Holla!

2009-01-18T13:25:00.006-05:00

~~~

The Prezelect chopper buzzes the crowd

~~~

R&D Hired An Alcoholic Carnival Clown To Handle The Jimmy Dean Product Line

2009-01-14T09:53:00.004-05:00

~~~

Shout-out with much love to correspondent Jeffrey for snappin' the sweet pic.

~~~

From Long Term Relationship To Booty Calls

2009-01-14T09:13:00.003-05:00

~~~

From: Aneka
Subject: Washington Nationals Renewal Status
Date: January 12, 2009 2:57:32 PM EST
To: nationalspostie

Hello TNP,

I tried to call you but was unable to reach you. I am one of the account representatives assisting with the renewal process. My call was regarding your renewal status with us. Please let me know your renewal plans or if you have any relocation request or questions. You can reach me by email or the direct number below.

ANEKA
ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE | SEASON TICKET SERVICES

Washington Nationals Baseball Club

****************************

Subject: Re: Washington Nationals Renewal Status
From: nationalspostie
Date: January 13, 2009 8:37:06 AM EST
To: Aneka
Cc: Adam

Hello Aneka,

After careful consideration, I have decided not to renew my season tickets for the 2009 season. Since 2005, I have held season tickets and gone to about half of the games. The other half of the tickets went to clients and colleagues. While my support for the Nationals organization remained strong through 2008 and I attended 44 games myself, the other half of the tickets generally went to waste. It was difficult to give the tickets away. If my experience last year was a true microcosm of the team's customer base as a whole, it would seem that the casual fan has lost a substantial level of interest. While it is my intention to continue to attend games at Nationals Park, they will be fewer and on a walk-up basis. To surmise, my season ticket package is being abandoned due to the erosion of the excitement of attending a spectacle. It is truly my hope that the team and club do something this year to make me regret the decision.

Best to You,

Postie

**************************

Hi TNP,

Thank you for getting back to us. Please let me know if anything changes. Thank you again for all your support and I know you will be back SOON.

Thank you again

Adam

ADAM COOLEY
MANAGER | PREMIUM SALES

~~~

If You Google, "Nun wearing flippers in a clawfoot tub", You'll End Up On TNP

2009-01-11T16:38:00.002-05:00

~~~

A nun wearing flippers in a clawfoot tub

~~~

Why I Pee'd In The Sink

2009-01-11T14:48:00.002-05:00

~~~

Kevin and Jude in Portland

2009-01-10T19:51:00.001-05:00

~~~

HBD, E

2009-01-08T00:01:00.005-05:00

~~~

~~~

Team of Allies

2009-01-05T04:08:00.003-05:00

~~~

The Washington Post broke the news that Virginia Governor Tim Kaine will be the next fella to run the Democratic National Committee. He'll start off "part time", and take the full time gig in 2010 - after his run as governor. Say what you will about Chicago politics taking over in DC, Virginia hasn't seen this much clout since the 1800s.

Newly minted Senator Mark Warner (D-VA), Governor Tim Kaine (D-VA),
and Senator Jim Webb (D-VA).
Warner used to be Governor, Kaine will soon be DNC chair, and Webb ran Reagan's Navy.

~~~

So Kiss Me and Smile For Me

2009-01-04T20:16:00.002-05:00

~~~

Yep. Hitting the dusty again. Riding the silver tube across Turtle Island. Quite the entourage coming this time. Quite the posse. Lots of folks that are important to me, but not the one most important to me. She's hanging back to keep all the plates spinning. It's always easier for the one doing the traveling, she says. She may be right. She's probably right.

~~~