Damn

I really wanted to check out this new club, but I didn't have a spaghetti dinner that I was willing to donate. I guess I'll just go to watch The Nationals in game 1 against the Tigers.

Poolside

~~~



Been on the downlow while the Beltway Boys are away. If our calculations are correct, Justin Verlander will start his first game after the no-hitter this Monday, at RFK. We might have to ... maybe go to that game ... unless we're diagnosed with some deadly contagion, in which case we'll be on a plane bound for Greece. That's all for now. Pretteh tarred after 11 freak out innings of baseball in Baltimore. We haven't seen something pissed away then brought back like that since the septic tank overflowed into the backyard. The way Cordero likes to break hearts, it's a lock that Boston will want him.


Now please, a story that the author has proclaimed, "horrible".

Wings

By Rosellen Provost, age 10

Once upon a time, when the earth was young, all of the animals lived in peace. They all walked or swam. Only bats and birds flew.

The frogs were never hungry, because none of the insects could fly. The lion ruled the world. He felt pity on the poor insects. He gave them all the power to fly. Most of them took advantage of this. They teased the frogs.

Even though the frogs coped with it and caught the annoying bugs, the king took away many of the wings.

A lot of bugs still have wings because they don't abuse the power. Such as butterflies and dragonflies. Flies are different they did abuse the power, but told the lion that he would stop if he could keep his wings. Flies don't fly very well and they still get eaten by frogs.

The Ladybugs kept their skillful wings because they didn't abuse the power, they have ladylike manners, they're pretty, and the king is quite fond of them.

The End


About the author

By Rosellen Provost
Age: 10
Date: June 14, 2007
Why: Boredom
Where: Home

Well, thank you-know-who for that.

~~~





Years ago, The Great Commonwealth of Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles made a bit of news when they would not allow a guy to get a personalized license plate that read, "ATHEIST". The bureaucracy explained that they do not allow religious messages.




~~~K. Provost~~~

... AS GOD IS MY WITNESS ...

I'LL NEVER CLEAN GUTTERS AGAIN!

(sometimes stuff just strikes me as funny)




~~~K. Provost~~~

Here we go Su-uns, here we go (clap bonk ow!)

~~~




The Nats web site said that there were three prospects in Single A that were mighty darn good at the playing of the baseball. Suffering from a bad case of seller's remorse after I gave up tickets to all three games against the Pirates, I convinced family members that they should accompany me to Maryland to watch The Hagerstown Suns get beat on by the Lakewood Blueclaws.

Single A ball has a lot going for it. You can park in a lot just a few feet from the stadium entrance, if you're willing to accept the risk of foul ball windshield damage. You can sit wherever you want, with the exception of the plush living room sofa positioned at the first base side of home plate. You can't sit there, pal. Only ONE LUCKY FAMILY gets to sit on the couch, brought to you by Some Local Furniture Store. Wherever you choose to park your junk, you get to experience the exhilaration that comes from the very real chance you'll get plunked by a foul ball.

A 12ish year-old kid just down the row from us took one on the melon in the second inning. When we came back with our fried dough covered in sugar, volunteer medics had a giant bag of concession stand ice on her face while they asked her if her fingers felt tingly. To her everlasting credit, the kid was back in the stands - in the same spot - by the sixth inning.



Then there are the aforementioned Super Stars of Single A. Chris Marrero, the Suns' center fielder, lived up to promises by slamming a sweet homer over the right field billboards. It was his 13th dinger, tying him with his teammate Justin Maxwell for second in the division.
Justin Maxwell. Photo taken using a Loch Ness Filter.





If you're wondering where the American Family Like The One You Grew Up With went, go see a home town game.










Michael Martinez played in AA Potomac Nats last year after signing in free agency in 2005. Guy's maybe good enough for the bigs, but playing in Hagerstown.






"Mom, we're going out marauding."
"Yeah fine. Just be back by the 7th ... and bring me one of them $1.00 warm dogs."




~~~K. Provost~~~

Huh huh .. huh huh

~~~

Front page excerpt - Winchester Star

~~~K. Provost~~

RFK view from the centerfield seats.

Stop searching. I found her.

~~~




The staff and management of The Nationals Post had to take his truck in to Kip Killmon's Ford for Ye Olde 20,000 Mile Service and Wallet Vacuuming. While this amazing and magical process was taking place, we headed over to Border's Books in the world famous Tysons Corner Mall. That's where we saw her; the most annoying human on Earth.



tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap!
tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap! tap!









Mind you, we didn't ask to find her. She just appeared, like a present from Beelzebub's Re-Gifting Closet. The checkout line was surprisingly short at Borders and we were third in line. The woman at the head of the line was buying a stack of 10 boxes of Godiva Chocolates - the kind you buy as a gift for someone whom you would not notice were they to stop appearing on the periphery of your life. This lady apparently enjoyed a life enriched with many casual acquaintances, and we were vaguely satisfied for her.

Behind Vapid Godiva Woman (VGW), and directly in front of us, was Remarkably Annoying Woman (RAW). She did not stand in the que. Rather, she swayed and tap danced around in a four foot circle. Several times, she would drift out of the circle to peruse the gift card display, the tiny tiny books display, and the candies. Each time she did this, she was careful to keep one shoe inside the imaginary circle. This was to let the rest of us know that she was not leaving the line.

She never made eye contact. To convey her intentions, she talked to herself in a loud mutter. "Ohhh gift cards ... gift cards ... gift cards ... let's seeeeeeeeeee father's day, happy birthday, congratulations ... hmmmm ... no generic cards .... hmmmm ....". The person talking to her on her cell phone must have also been put out by this, because she wasn't talking to them either. In fact, she artfully used the conversation on the mobile phone as a way to partition herself from the environment around her, and the environment to keep the person on the phone at bay. This was not her first Asshole Rodeo.

Once she ended the call and ran out of impulse items to inspect, her full attention was directed at VGW. There was a minor problem with her Border's Rewards Points and she was pressing the clerk on it. That's when the tapping started.

It took but a moment to realize that RAW was tapping her left foot. It was a rapid tap, heel-toe-heel-toe-heel-toe. The tapping was almost exactly the same tapping as the woman in the Tweety Bird cartoon who hates mice and is mad at Sylvester the Cat for not catching the one in her house.

After 45 excruciating seconds of waiting, oblivious that about a dozen people were now judging her harshly, she pranced to the counter to purchase her stupid paperback. It was the first time I ever wished the computers would crash.

The day had been filled with similar encounters, but RAW took the proverbial cake. Happily, we purchased our Rolling Stone mag, got a slice of mall pizza, and were on our way to RFK.

Baseball is a great palate cleanser for life, and the final game against the Dodgers proved to be the perfect cracker. The 11-4 final score is a happy icon for an evening spent with my buddy, Darryll, these three Old Baseball Guys, and 20,977 other people in dire need of an escape. We talked about Gooz (he looks good!), Church (still not sure he's for real), Manny (where is he? he is usually on the railing, but we don't see him. is he ok?), RFK Stadium (no remorse), Metro, Red, Hot and Blue, and several hundred other completely unimportantly pleasurable diversions.

Now, it's almost time to hit the road to see the Padres. After another day in paradise, it's just in time, too.









~~~K. Provost~~~



IBB: Church (by Brazoban).
Pitches-strikes: Hendrickson 76-49, Brazoban 13-6, Tomko 23-17, Beimel 6-4, Broxton 25-15, Seanez 7-4, Bowie 78-48, Rivera 9-6, Colome 28-16, Rauch 13-12, Cordero 22-15.
Ground outs-fly outs: Hendrickson 6-4, Brazoban 0-0, Tomko 0-2, Beimel 2-1, Broxton 0-0, Seanez 0-1, Bowie 6-7, Rivera 0-1, Colome 2-2, Rauch 1-1, Cordero 2-0.
Batters faced: Hendrickson 22, Brazoban 3, Tomko 7, Beimel 3, Broxton 6, Seanez 2, Bowie 20, Rivera 3, Colome 6, Rauch 4, Cordero 4.
Inherited runners-scored: Brazoban 1-1, Tomko 2-0, Seanez 1-1, Rivera 2-2, Colome 2-0.
Umpires: HP: Jerry Crawford. 1B: Brian O'Nora. 2B: Phil Cuzzi. 3B: Chris Guccione.
Weather: 86 degrees, clear.
Wind: 12 mph, In from CF.
T: 3:15.
Att: 20,982.